July 01, 2003

Memorable Taglines

If you have a good one, send it to me!

There's no such thing as a sucking chest wound. All chest wounds suck.

"I'm not part of the problem. I'm a Republican." - G.W. Bush

(thanks to Kin for the above)

Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your face.

No, get that cat off the key(*&(^@~~~ATHo NO CARRIER

Man made beer; God made Pot. Who you gonna trust?

(thanks to SilverBlue for the above)

beus tagline. This is a Mobeus tagline. This is a Mo

665 - the neighbor of the Beast.

(thanks to Mookieriffic for the above)

Support your local medical examiner. Die strangely.

If an infinite number of rednecks fire an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of highway signs then eventually they will reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare in braille.

Skillful diplomacy is romance, clumsy diplomacy is rape.

Diplomacy is saying 'nice doggie' while you look around for a rock.

Diplomacy is telling someone to 'go to hell' in such a way that they're looking forward to the trip.

If you liked the California energy crisis, you'll love Kyoto. -- B.F. Skinner

Windows is a 32-bit extension to a 16-bit graphical shell for an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

Fotomat burns down... no film at 11.

Smokey the Bear says: Strip mining prevents forest fires.

To do is to be. (Descartes)
To be is to do. (Voltaire)
Do be do be do. (Sinatra)

AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse

Dead: electroencephalographically challenged.

Skill: the plural of luck.

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
-- James D. Nicoll

What did you do to the cat? It looks half-dead. -- Schroedinger's wife

Imagine standing at a street corner and spitting on people to get their attention, then trying to sell them something. Spamming is a better marketing method than that only in that you get punched less often. -- Esa A. Peuha

"Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month." -- Wernher von Braun

"I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce." -- J. Edgar Hoover

I felt sorry for myself because I had no woman, until I met a man with no hands.

There is only one war, and it's not the rich against the poor, the blacks against the whites, the Federation against the Borg, or the Democrats versus the Republicans. It's those of us who aren't complete idiots against those of us who are.

Global warming? Yeah, it's our fault. McDonald's, sure. Only country to use nuclear weapons in warfare? Yep, and glad to do it. But the Canadians are responsible for William Shatner. -- Mark "Kamikaze" Hughes

"I just purchased a shiny new Leatherman Wave.[...] It's likely that random objects in the house will spend the next few days being plied, screwdriven, and scissed. When you have a Leatherman, everything looks Leathermanipulable." -- Nathan McCoy

The courthouse has a memorial park with a small 9/11 memorial - fifteen hundred miles away from Ground Zero, there’s a monument. Don’t ever underestimate how personally we took that day. -- James Lileks

Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' -- Robin Williams

I Aim for the Stars – book by Werner Von Braun
But sometimes I hit London – Mort Sahl's suggested sub-title

The National Security Agency is hiring computer scientists and mathematicians for ongoing projects in communications research. If you are interested and would like a brochure, just pick up your phone and call anybody.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. -- Flannery O'Connor

Skill: the plural of luck.

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. -- Hyman G. Rickover

Concorde: Breakfast in London, Lunch in New York, Luggage in Bombay.

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, backwards and in heels.

"Magic Marker" - First rung on the ladder of the occult. -- J. Martin

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

Would you, could you, with a goat? -- Dr. Suess

Real Programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween because OCT 31 = DEC 25

"I will do whatever the Americans want, because I saw what happened in Iraq, and I was afraid." -- Col. Gaddafi, in phone call to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi

"Remember, when it comes to commercial TV, the program is not the product. YOU are the product, and the advertiser is the customer." -- Mark W. Schumann

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it." -- George Bernard Shaw.

In the beginning there was nothing... which exploded.

Sleep: a poor substitute for caffeine.

"Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak." -- K'Bersk

Thanks to Dawn P for this next one:

That which doesn't kill you can probably stand up in court as mitigating circumstances.

If whining never worked no one would do it. -- Max Love

Heck's Angels: Born to be Mild.

God is dead (Nietzsche).
Nietzsche is dead (God).

User: A technical term used by computer professionals. See Idiot.

To succeed in the world, it is not enough to be stupid.
You must also be well-mannered. -- Voltaire

Ptolemy invented a universe and it lasted two thousand years. Newton invented a universe and it lasted two hundred years. Now Dr. Einstein has invented a new universe and no one knows how long this one is going to last.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1930)

"I'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet." -- Hollowhat

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Deja Moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

The secret to immortality is to live a life worth remembering. -- Bruce Lee

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"The federal government has taken too much tax money from the people, too much authority from the states, and too much liberty with the Constitution." -- Ronald Reagan

Keep the pointy end up and the flamey end down.

"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools." -- Herbert Spencer

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

"The Earth is just too small and fragile a basket for the human race to keep all its eggs in." -- Robert Heinlein

The poor desire riches. The rich desire heaven. The wise seek tranquility.

"In the universe, space travel may be the normal birth pangs of an otherwise dying race. A test. Some races pass, some fail." -- Robert Heinlein

"God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December." -- J. M. Barrie

"We must remember that 'good' and 'evil' are terms so wide as to take in the whole scheme of creation" -- Bram Stoker

"And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well." -- George Carlin

The Galloping Gourmet isn't a zombie, just really really English.

My friends think I'm mentally ill, but that's ok, because I'm really enjoying the symptoms.

Posted by Ted at July 1, 2003 09:06 AM
Category: Tagline Archive

Hey! James Nicoll and Mark Hughes! Cool :)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 7, 2003 11:52 AM

"Your mind is like a book, you can't learn anything if it's not open" -- Madfish Willie

"It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock!" -- Madfish Willie

"Fuck You, Ted" -- Madfish Willie

Posted by: The Bartender at November 5, 2003 05:48 PM

Huh? What did I do to deserve that last?

Posted by: Ted at November 5, 2003 08:37 PM

From the Bartender, I think that's a compliment. But I could be wrong...

Posted by: GEBIV at September 7, 2004 07:26 PM

you got the Skill is the plural of Luck twice.

Posted by: Mookie at June 22, 2005 10:27 PM
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