October 09, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

It's about time, eh?

This is a special all-Stevie edition of the Google Junket, courtesy of a whole list of words submitted by our good friend Daun. These words tell a lot more about her than she's comfortable with, I'm sure. You'll see what I mean.

Let's jump right into it, eh?

gastropod + heifer
Interestingly enough, the number one hit on this combination of words is yours truly. The second is an alphabetical list of words from MIT. You canít trust those guys, Iíve seen the movie Real Genius.

gastropod + heifer + naked
At this point, the plan was to add 'naked' or 'nekkid' to every combination and see what happened. First hit is still Rocket Jones, second is a different list of words, this time from the UK. Finally we hit paydirt! Well, not quite. I was redirected to a porn site, which I immediately backed out of, and then had to call the IT department to let them know that I wasnít surfing for porn on company time (Iím on my lunch break). Darn it, the link looked promising too, hereís the description:

Cheech and chong action figure, pictures of animals of all overÖ
... boys adult naked photos. ... pictures of the sun; frog cow wolf cartoon heifer, cartoon pictures ... gastropod known for its Voyeur five letters.: msn 8.5 known issues ... www.theii.net/ precious-gems-that-are-mined-in-western-australia.html

Oops, I didnít notice the boys adult naked photos (honest!), gotta be more careful. No more adding 'naked', that's for sure.

fistula + hedonism
Stevie dear, what the hell is wrong with you? This combo brings up a medical dictionary, a political rant site that looks suspiciously like a porn-redirect, and then four no-bones-about-it porn sites. A little further down the list (I need links, fer cryiní out loud) is a glossary of US Naval Code Words. Now this is something that appeals to the history loving geek in me. Ignore what I said, this is neat.

A quick skim through the extensive Code Name list shows that VICTOR I, II, III, IV and V were all WWII Allied invasion landings in the south pacific, and that GLENN stood for 'domestic'. I'm assuming you're housebroken guy, although all girlfriends/wives/partners automatically assume the opposite.

custard + algebra
Now weíre getting somewhere. First up is a bookstore where you can get cookbooks (containing recipes for custard) and algebra books (containing recipes for headaches). Next is a page of education related Teachers Notes for a television program called Keep Your Balance. Neat. Everything, the Math Project. Hey, they use the word Blather. And I know what Boolean logic is. If you donít, then look it up! Ok, I did for you. An explanation is here. Finally Ė for this pair of words Ė we find the staff listing for New Bloomfield High School in New Bloomfield, Missouri. Besides having Algebra teachers (imagine that), their attendance clerk is named Marita Custard.

zymurgy + protean
Hey, Iím number one again! Thatís great news, because Iím sure gazillions of internet users search on this combination while looking for barely-legal babes. Next up though, is a site hosted on a French server, talking about a role playing game about Vampires. Third up is the same information, looks like a ghosted version on a different server. Fourth through whatever seem to be those darned alphabetized lists again.

Mainly because Iím afraid to see what naked + redneck will bring up, we'll just move right along past this one and go straight to:

mohair + redneck
Crap, this page is dismantled, and it looked good too. Redneck Miniature Bears, only 2 ĹĒ tall, named Kilroy. Awwwww. Too bad we can't see 'em. (redneck named Kilroy?)

Now for some reason, we get into the musical portion of our entertainment.

A page about an interview with a stoner-rock group named On Trial, whose slogan appears to be ďwhere thereís smoke, thereís smokeĒ. That probably sounded really profound at the time. Next is a British music company specializing in American Country albums. My favorite title is by Barbara Carr Ė Bone Me Like You Own Me. The Derailers sing about Mohair Sam, and Charlie Daniels chips in with the title track of Redneck Fiddliní Man. Music galore! An Elton John lyrics page, which for our purposes could have been shortened to two songs, because Bennie and the Jets contains mohair and Honky Cat has the redneck.

Stevie + nekkid
So sue me. Besides, we got hits. Nekkid Radio has Stevie Nicks songs on their playlist. No link because Iím at work and I donít want to have to call IT again today. Killoggs is smart enough NOT to wave at Stevie Wonder, and proud of it. It looks like a group hive mind sorta thing. Interesting. And then Acid Man checks in, again with Stevie Nicks, but he wants to see her nekkid. Better than Stevie Wonder.

Itís become traditional to end with a truly disturbing link (well, twice in a row now), and this is one of those that might not be universally popular. Here is a review of Justin Timberlakeís release Justified. I could care less about him, but this reviewer compares him favorably to Stevie Wonder. Really? Oh yeah, he also dwells on Justinís confession of performing oral sex on then-girlfriend Britney Spears. Sorry, Iím not impressed.

Lotta sex stuff in this go-round. Way to go Stevie!

Next time, we get:
Vaseline from Tuning Spork, who apparently didnít learn a thing from his last word Ďsalivaí.
Vainglory from Susie.
Hysterisis from Pixy Misa.
Strop from Victor, who owns two of them. Heís a perv.
Supernumerary from Jennifer.
Aberrant from Serenity (and thank you for the compliment, m'lady).

As always, leave your suggested words in the comments and we'll see where Google takes us.

Posted by Ted at October 9, 2003 01:08 PM | TrackBack

Four words:

(I used one of these today - guess which one)

Posted by: Daniel at October 9, 2003 03:05 PM

Oh. My. God. That's it. I broke something in there laughing this time.
You are crazy. I know I'm bad, 'cause I thought 'em up...but they kept coming back to you.
I'll get another group of esoteric words together for ya. I'll send it after you do the ones you're getting now. And, I'll let ya know if anything good comes up with naked/nekkid + redneck.

Dan-My guess is callipygian.

Posted by: Stevie at October 9, 2003 04:52 PM


Posted by: Susie at October 9, 2003 05:23 PM


Posted by: Jennifer at October 9, 2003 06:51 PM

I love Justin Timberlake. It is true, he does sound like Stevie Wonder in a few of his songs. Most of him he sounds like Michael Jackson. As far as him performing the oral sex on Britney...I'm not really interested in reading about that. I'd be more interested in said act being performed on me. Lol.

Posted by: tasberry at October 9, 2003 07:52 PM

Nekkid redneck leads to sites about something called letter boxing, which is kinda cool but too involved to explain.
Naked redneck leads to things like gay cop porn and such.
Very strange.
And, one word keeps coming to mind-pixilated.

Have I mentioned that I love Mad Libs?

Posted by: Stevie at October 9, 2003 08:40 PM


Posted by: StMack at October 13, 2003 09:38 AM
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