One of those little excursions

Mookie borrowed a t-shirt from her best friend last weekend (they often trade clothes) which said "How Not To Get Caught". Underneath are three 'international' style pictograms, you know the ones with the little stick figures. The first says "Act dumb", next is "Deny you did it", and then finally "Blame the flying monkeys". Cute.

But I wondered what kind of hits one would get if we Googled "How Not To Get Caught".

Number 2 on the list is How not to get caught in the unethical fish trap via the BBC. From the article: "Eating seafood can be a minefield for the ethical consumer. Where, how and when a fish is caught dictates its environmental impact - and this information is seldom available on shop labels or menus."

Next up - number 6 or so - is a site titled "Grow securely - how not to get caught". Welcome to the UK Cannabis Internet Activists (UKCIA), which is some sort of marijuana advocacy organization. They have a forum listed on their main page, and ask you to tell them what you think. I'm reminded of an old 'Shoe' comic, where Skyler asks Uncle Shoe if dope is bad for you. He says "Yes. It causes your body to be thrown into jail."

This next one looks like some sort of historical link: How not to get caught making fake credit card calls. Chock full of 60's-style anti-establishment lingo and rhetoric. Amusing.

How not to get caught wanking. Crude and juvenile. Lots of pop-ups too, including one featuring a picture of Einstein. Do you think Albert wanked in the shower? The unified theory of wanking?

Moving on...

The very first thing on page 2 is How not to get caught on the World Wide Web. Since you're reading this, I'll assume it's too late.

Dark Tipper Kevin Rose On How Not To Get Caught Downloading Music, Proof Planet X Exists, Camwhore Face-Off.

Here we get tips on How not to get caught speeding (hopefully). I especially like the "(hopefully)" part. Here's a helpful tip: "Memorize the headlight patterns of the common cop cars in your area." Uh huh.

Boy Howdy! At NotInYourPants.com you can order books on how to deal with Escorts. They adveritse: "MORE F**K FOR THE BUCK! BUY NOW and you'll also get a copy of my FREE article, "How Not to Get Caught With the Girl You Bought," full of extremely valuable information on guaranteeing that your escort experience remains discreet."

Simply titled How Not To Get Caught, our next stop contains this wisdom:
"Martyrs have their place in every movement, and they can be quite effective symbols; however, substance wins over symbolism every time, and you can't do anything substantial if you are sitting behind bars. The Confederate guerrilla is, by the nature of his activities, the free-est of free men. The only way that he can maintain that freedom of action is not to get caught, and the only way not to get caught is not to be identified."

Digging a little further, this guy is waiting for the Confederacy to rise again. Literally.

There are tons and tons of links to go through. How not to get caught when shoplifting, having affairs, stealing cable TV and other assorted naughtyness.

Google is your friend.

Posted by Ted at December 19, 2003 08:41 AM | TrackBack