October 23, 2004


I was bartending at a dinner theater one night for a special event. It was Secretary Appreciation Week (this was back in the early 80's), and the whole place was full to the brim with secretaries, courtesy of thankful bosses and the local Chamber of Commerce.

It was an open bar, and some of them were taking full advantage and getting pretty well lit. There were no wait staff either, so the ladies had to come to the bar to order. During an intermission, I'm hustling along trying to keep up with the orders coming fast and furious. One very drunk lady made it to the front of the bar, propped up on either side by two slightly less drunk collegues, and says loudly, "I'll have a rum and cock."

After a split-second of silence, everyone cracked up. In her foggy state, it took her a moment to realize what she'd said, and she managed to correct herself, "I mean, I'd like a rum and coke."

Still pouring and mixing as fast as I could, I said with a smile, "Make up your mind, so I know what to stir it with."

Posted by Ted at October 23, 2004 08:08 PM
Category: Boring Stories

I'll have what she's having. ;)

Posted by: Dawn at October 24, 2004 01:12 AM

Aah, re-telling one's own best lines is a tricky biz. But, when it's a winner, ya just gotta share it.

So, here's mine:

I was in a dart league a few years ago and one of the other team's members had forgotten her darts. Thinking that I had a good weight for her the others suggested that she try my darts.

She walked up to me with hand extended and asked "Can I weigh that dart?"

"Bob," said Tex, "She wants to feel your dart."
Everyone could see that that I was trying to think up a ribald response. "Be careful..." he said.

Handing it to her I said "Okay, but it's a steel-tip. Be careful y'don't get pricked."

Everyone roared, but I've always wondered about that line. The moment was such that I think, at that moment, I could have told her to "have a stroke" and it would've gotten a laugh.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 26, 2004 12:48 AM
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