September 10, 2005

Movie Review

Malibu Beach Vampires

Actually, this is more like a warning to keep away from this incoherent mess of a film. I'll describe the movie a little bit, but please, don't think I'm trying to make it sound entertaining. Any implied enjoyment value is strictly accidental.

Wanna see the funniest bit in the film?


Ignore the words, those are just stupid. Check out the teeth. Get it? Southern California? The desire for perfect teeth, even for vampires. I thought it was funny, but believe it or not, that shot in the opening credits was the highlight of the movie.

Bad, bad, bad. You'll see much better acting at your local high school production. You'll only understand the storyline if you read the description on the box first. The cameraman has parkinsons. Twice, they inexplicably break into tap dancing numbers or folk guitar sing-alongs (or both, intercut in one sanity-rending sequence).

I forced myself to finish watching, hoping for another "smile" moment that never came. This flick sucked so bad that I didn't even realize until later that there wasn't a single bare boob displayed, despite the advertising.

I can't even bring myself to blame the distributer for lying about the nudity. I'd probably lie too if I was stuck trying to sell this...

Words fail me.

Posted by Ted at September 10, 2005 07:35 AM | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

Words fail me.

Well, not entirely. :)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 10, 2005 08:07 AM

Sounds like a regular Ned Flanders Halloween Special!HAHAHA!!!!!!

Posted by: Russ at September 10, 2005 02:23 PM

Ted, why you so consistently subject yourself to watching movies like this all the way through, I'll never know. Man, you can rent video games at the rental place too ya know? You should categorize all these into one section, just as a monumnet to your steely tolerance.

Posted by: shank at September 10, 2005 04:57 PM

Rent? What is this "rent" thing you speak of? You can't find these flicks at the video store, ya gotta buy 'em. If I've paid a few buck for it, I'm for sure gonna see every putrid second.

Posted by: Ted at September 10, 2005 05:19 PM

What you need, Ted, is a couple of robots...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 11, 2005 12:33 AM

Sounds kind of like Surf Nazis Must Die. The opening credits are really good, really establishes that the surf Nazis must die, but it falls apart pretty quickly.

Posted by: Dave Munger at September 17, 2005 01:38 AM
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