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Since beginnings are important, I thought it would be a good idea to officially start Summer 2006 with something personally positive. Fill in the blanks:
Rocket Jones is better than _________________ because it's _______________.
For instance, you might say:
Rocket Jones is better than bondage because it's top-rack dishwasher safe.
That example was totally random. If you want to win, you should give it some thought.
That's right, I said "win"! There will be a prize awarded to the person who submits the best entry. If you've been around a while, you know that my contest prizes don't suck, although if I had a lawyer he'd tell me to reserve that right, so I do.
Leave 'em in the comments.
Posted by Ted at June 21, 2006 05:48 AM | TrackBackRocket Jones is better than ice cream because it doesn't melt when you leave it out on the counter.
Posted by: Jenelle at June 21, 2006 12:52 PMRocket Jones is better than intestinal distress because it doesn't stink like a chemical fire.
Probably not what you're looking for, but the best I could do on short notice.
Posted by: Paul at June 21, 2006 01:05 PMRocket Jones is better than soylent green because it's made of people and kittens.
Posted by: buckethead at June 21, 2006 01:37 PMRocket Jones is better than Sugar-Free Oreo Cookies because it's less likely to give you explosive diarrhea afterwards.
(True story. Great cookie, but heed the warnings on the label...)
--TwoDragons
Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at June 21, 2006 02:36 PMRocket Jones is better than a beef sausage because it's meatier and has added grease.
Posted by: Oorgo at June 21, 2006 04:33 PMRocket Jones is better than a bad case of syphilis because, though it may drive you insane, it's not going to give you cauliflower-shaped growths on your genitalia.
Hmm..let's dial it back a few notches.
Rocket Jones is better than Pocket Stones because it's not a rip off.
Ehhhh, a little more edge than that would be better.
Rocket Jones is better than 90% of the blogs out there, because 90% of bloggers are socially retarded misanthropes who've nothing to share.
Rocket Jones is better than bondage because it's top-rack dishwasfer safe.
Rocket Jones is better than Wal-Mart because the more time you spend there, the more you actually like it.
Rocket Jones is better than the Edmonton Oilers because he didn't lose the Stanley Cup to a bunch of Canadians displaced to a redneck hell-hole like North Carolina.
Rocket Jones is better than Snooze Button Dreams because he never posts links to smut.
Rocket Jones is better than metastisized cancer because it won't slowly eat away at your body; choking the life out of you cell by cell until you become a lump of black crumbled carcinoma.
Rocket Jones is better than light beer because it has zero calories and ten times the flavor.
Rocket Jones is better than Star Jones because it's sticking to it's strict diet.
Rocket Jones is better than Indiana Jones because it's secure with its sexuality and doesn't have to carry a long 'whip' around with it.
Rocket Jones is better than a Democrat because it's consistent.
Rocket Jones is better than the World Cup because it posts more than every four years and it doesn't involved getting trapled by a bunch of Neo-Nazi hooligans.
Rocket Jones is better than a full body massage because it doesn't charge extra for the happy ending.
Rocket Jones is better than getting kicked in the cunt because . . . well, getting kicked in the cunt fuckin' hurts.
Posted by: shank at June 21, 2006 07:04 PMRocket Jones is better than Shank because it's a blog you can show your friends without them thinking you hang out with Tourette's patients.
Posted by: Jenelle at June 21, 2006 11:45 PMOuch!
Posted by: Paul at June 22, 2006 09:22 AMLOL Damn, that was like watching a train wreck. Jenelle, you're my hero.
Posted by: Ted at June 22, 2006 06:20 PMRocket Jones is better than a zombie bite because you're usually OK after reading.
Rocket Jones is better than a colonoscopy because he doesn't shove a massive tube up your fundamental orifice.
Rocket Jones is better than a bj because...oh, hell, who am I trying to kid?
Posted by: Victor at June 22, 2006 07:06 PMRocket Jones is better than a banana because it doesn't start to go bad two days before it ripens.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 22, 2006 07:21 PM