Why I could never be a lawyer - 2

Chutzpah! With a heaping helping of poetic justice.

Me: So you snuck into the bar to drink even though you were under the legal age.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And an older gentleman bought drinks from the bar and gave them to you all night long, so that nobody would find out that you were underage.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And you were... let's see... almost three times over the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle when you left the bar.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And in the parking lot, you climbed up onto a pickup truck's tailgate, at which point you passed out and fell face first to the pavement. The impact shattered your teeth, lips and gums.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: Wow-

Plaintiff's lawyer: YOUR HONOR, I OBJECT!!! He's going to call my client "stupid".

Judge: Sustained.

Me: Your honor, "stupid" is a given. However, "graceful" isn't.