"DON'T POUR THE FUEL OR YOU WILL MESS YOUR HELL OF DAY"

This is funny as hell. Some guy over at Amazon has posted reviews of a couple of items using his less than perfect English (link from the comments over at Trying to Grok.

While reviewing an electronic Russian-to-English dictionary, he goes off on an anti-American screed. I think.

And also, those mental condition will never make you to speak another language. FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO KNOW IS KNOW YOURSELF SUCKS BALLS AND YOU CAN BE BETTER AS YOU STUDY, AND TRUST ME IT IS HARD TO REALIZE YOURSELF SUCKR OR NOT.

His review of a Zippo lighter is a bit better, in that he stays on topic and offers lots of handy advice:

I THINK I SOLVED ALL QUESTIONS now, JUST REMEMBER, LIFE TIME GUARANTEE AND YOU JUST CALL THEM AND QUEST THEM TO FIX, THEY WILL DO IT FOR FREE (OF COURSE YOU NEED TO BUY LITTLE POSTAGE-STAMP IN ORDER TO SEND, OR JUST WALK TO CLOSE ZIPPO SHOP, AND THEY WILL NOT CHARGE YOU A CENT FOR IT AND THEY WILL POST BACK TO YOU, OF COURSE FOR FREE)

I wish this guy had a blog.