June 12, 2006

Return of the Son of the Great Random Google Google Google Junket

Way back in the early days of Rocket Jones, I was a blog-linkin' fool. There were many and varied ways I used to spread the love, as it were. One original idea was the Great Random Google Junket - aptly and beautifully named by Susie - where folks would leave various words in the comment section and I would combine them into Google searches and post the results.

As I mentioned, Dogette's comment gave me the impetus to revive the idea, much like lightning striking the mad-scientisty doodads erected atop Dr. Frankenstein's tower.

This may become a semi-regular feature again. In any event, and in order to invade Dogette's privacy, I dedicate this first one to her, and ask you all to put on your best Jan Brady voice and welcome the Rocket Jones Great Random Google Google Google Junket!

Interestingly, when I googled "poop" and "shrub" (two frequent topics at TND), amongst the expected horticultural sites were a surprising number of hits from anti-presidential mouth breathers. Easily distinguished from intelligent life by a complete refusal to offer anything resembling intelligent debate, they don't bother to degenerate to name-calling. They just start there and it quickly goes downhill. They are also strikingly alike in that they offer no alternatives or suggested ideas beyond "it shouldn't be like that".

Moving on, sort of, if we add the terms "privacy" and "orange" to "poop" and "shrub", we get a link to, ta-daaaaaahhhhh:

Harley's Poop Patrol. According to their website, they're number 1 in the business of number 2, and they service all of Orange county. I wonder if they've ever done a cameo on that television show. Their rates seem reasonable and they offer customer testimonials! How cool is that. Way to go Harley!

See what kind of shit (*ahem*) we get into during a Random Google Google Google Junket?

Triticale jumped right in and offered up "snorkel". Since I'm shining the giant bright spotlight of attention at Dogette, I combined "snorkel" with "dog" and came up with Snorkel Dog boxer shorts.

"I heart pesticides". So goeth the wisdom that is Dogette, now available thanks to this site.

And finally, in one of those odd good/bad situations, we find that Howard Johnson Enterprises (home of the bright orange roof) also produce "all season triamine weed and feed". I'd probably skip the salad bar next time you're at HoJo's, eh? Actually, I have no idea if it's the same Howard Johnson. I'm too lazy to dig deeper.

But not too lazy to find this (.pdf format) data sheet on Triamine2, which is described as "A three-way post-emergent selective broadleaf herbicide" with lots of other scary words listed after that.

Ok folks, so that's how the Great Random Google Google Google Junket works. Leave a word in the comments, and try not to get too out there with your vocabulary, since medical terms tend to bring up boring medical sites, etc. Get creative but keep it on the common end of the spectrum.

Do it for Jan.

Posted by Ted at 05:04 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

June 07, 2006

The resurrection of original content

Thanks to a comment by Dogette and the reinforcement by Buckethead, I'm seriously considering the revival of a regular feature of the early days of Rocket Jones. Renamed slightly, of course.

The Rocket Jones Great Random Google, Google, Google Junket.

What say you?

Posted by Ted at 08:19 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 26, 2003

The Great Random Google Junket

Welcome to yet another special edition Google Junket, this one suggested by the lovely LeeAnn of The Cheese Stands Alone. Her suggestion was simplicity itself, "flying monkeys". So that's what I did, and here's what the search engine dragged in:

Simian Fi! First up is Flying Monkeys 2003, a blogspot site.

FlyingMonkey.com has moved.

Now here we have a dataglyph of "Flying Monkey 6". I didn't dig further, so I have no idea what the heck they're talking about. Flying monkeys shouldn't be such a deep subject.

Hand carved and hand painted, these Flying Monkeys Spirit-Chasers are hung to scare the living hell out of to protect sleeping children.

Flying Monkey Arts. Primitive.

There's no place like home, especially if home included acid trips. To relive those fond times without potential felony charges, try this Flying Monkey costume from the Wizard of Oz.

Here's one for you, Flying Monkey Beer. "Even animal lovers enjoy pounding them."

Flying Monkey textiles promises to enhance your life with unique woven products.

The Webtender gives us the Flying Monkey shooter, made with Kahlua, Banana liqueur and Bailey's Irish Cream. Slam several of these and see your very own flying monkeys.

Finally, if you're bored with your doorbell, these Flying Monkey doorbell surrounds will make munchkins and witches alike think twice before interupting your moment.

All right, that's the first page. On page two I'll mention a geocaching site for Flying Monkey Mesa in Utah. There are plenty of other links left over for you to explore on your own.

Posted by Ted at 08:28 PM | Comments (0)

December 10, 2003

Great Random Google Junket

Here's the promised second half of the Munuvian Christmas Great Random Google Junket. You can find the first one here. Once again, the basic rule is adding the word Santa to the blog name or related word and running it through Google to see what we come up with.

Santa + Bunny
Right off the bat we find something for the kids, or the kid inside you. A Santa Bunny coloring page, and an online jigsaw puzzle!

Santa + Phoenix
True, he's got pizazz, and he's got panache. But mostly he's got that Phoenix rising from the flames on his banner, so that's what I used. Daniel certainly has better taste than the folks at Phoenix Productions, who put on a show called Sing Along Santa, where “Santa’s looking for some styling new duds as he suits up for his annual sleigh ride.” Uh huh.

And since that bit serious reindeer butt, let’s try ‘pizazz’ instead. First up comes a page (.pdf file format) showing how the electronics do-it-yourselfer can add dimming and sequencing effects to christmas light decorations. As opposed to going to the store and just buying 'em I guess.

Santa + Green
The great thing about Christmas is that it is a time to forget about the stresses and worries of the rest of your life, and spend a little time on something joyful like decorating with your new Button Beard Santa - Green Pants”. From Home Interiors, which is a racket along the lines of Tupperware and Amway.

Santa + Xfire, Crossfire, and Daun all got total crap results not worth mentioning. Sorry dear.

Santa + Weave
Santa basket plans. There were a few other basket-weaving sites on the list too. Kinda cool for you crafty types. Guys like baskets too, but we call 'em creels.

Santa + Anger
This combination would seem like a natural, eh? Au contraire. About the best we could do was Sex-crazed Santa Anger, where they talk about Disney being upset about the movie Bad Santa. Going with ‘management’ instead just brings up a lot of hits for cities in California and local government.

Jumping around the list of Munuvians here just a tiny bit, we'll next do:

Santa + Stranger
First up from Stranger.com is another review about Bad Santa, but this time the reviewer loves it for being mean and bitter. So let's try...

Santa + Everyday
And we find out that Every Day is Christmas for Santa Dan.

Santa + Snooze
Way traditional (and nice) Santa wallpaper for your computer. Warning, may be too cute for some grouchy bastards.

Santa + Apathetic
A modern and politically correct version of The Night Before Christmas, and here’s the lyrics to the Vandals holiday hit, I Don’t Believe In Santa Clause. More for me!

Santa + Simon
The stunning Santa Simon doll. Oops, I meant it’s a stunning Santa doll by Simon and Halbig.

Santa + Nap
Another jigsaw puzzle, this time the old-fashioned manual kind.

Santa + Madfish
Could we truly match these two in the world of Google? Of course! Not very interestingly unfortunately, but we did get a hit. In this forum, Madfish lets everyone know that NORAD tracks Santa. I'll let you in on a secret, NORAD and Santa have a little deal going. As long as Santa leaves his IFF transponder turned on over US airspace, NORAD promises not to blow Santa out of the sky with an AMRAAM up the ol' chimney. KnowwhatImean?


Posted by Ted at 07:12 AM | Comments (1)

December 04, 2003

Great Random Google Junket

This is part 1 of a special all-Munuvian Christmas edition Google Junket. This time, the rules were simple, I took the name (blog or screen) of said Munuvian, added Santa, and voila! Merry magic.

Pixy + Santa
It’s Santa/Pixy with his bag! How do you say Ho Ho Ho in Norwegian?

Penumbra + Santa
And we find an article about the starry skies above Santa Monica, describing an eclipse that happened in January, 2000.

Hey, for a punked out angel, we can do better than three year old astronomy, eh? How about some music by Dmitri Metheny, who offers the jazz albums Penumbra and Santa’s Got A Brand New Bag.

Spork + Santa
Check out Sporks R Us (current president of the minimalist chapter of the Chamber of Commerce) and read a report about a man in a Santa suit robbing a drug store.

Michigan + Santa
I’ll bypass the Michigan Santa who killed his own son, and go with that holiday staple: Santa dressed in University of Michigan colors. We also have the Glockenspiel at Santa Claus House.

Cherry + Santa
An animated carolling Christmas card. Santa's got a cherry-red nose... probably all that Christmas spirit.

Publius + Santa
I didn't have high hopes for this one, but what do I know? We find this page about Santa Suzanna, the resting place of five saints, including Saint Felicity of Rome, a widow who appeared before the magistrate Publius with her seven children.

Jennifer + Santa
After wading through the inevitable J-Lo crap (anyone want to see a photoshopped naked J-Lo sitting in Santa's lap?), I finally came to this page. Since it was about the first thing that didn't absolutely suck, here ya go: The pinup art of Jennifer Janesko. This piece is called ‘Santa Baby’. It's not cheap guys (and I'm leaving that out there as a straight line for you - Merry Christmas).

Mookie + Santa
Oooo looky! It's The Big Dump Truck. Interesting quote: “Mookie told me he was going to sit on Santa's lap and tell him he wanted some spaghetti.” This was from last Christmas, and he sounds like a cute kid. Certainly better behaved than my Mookie. I can say things like that, because this time of year your kids have to be nice to you. Try it and see! Now the day after Christmas is a whole 'nother matter...

Cheese + Santa
Cheese Ball Santa. That just about sums up 90% of fat seasonal hires, doesn’t it?

That rounds up this edition. Second half as I get a chance in the next few days.


Posted by Ted at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)

October 29, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

Hey, it’s been a while since we’ve done a Google Junket, eh? Today’s edition features lovely ladies showing off their vocabulary, because like the Grateful Dead say, “Man Smart, Women Smarter”. And if you remember the words to that song, then you didn’t spend enough time in the parking lot before the show. wink wink, nudge nudge

Ok, first we’ve got Stevie, who rolls up the first bomber with fingerling, curettage, pusillanimous and zucchini. She’s first.

Next to fire up is Lady TwoDragons, and her suggestions steatopygian, stentorious, propitious, osteomalacia, tintinnabulation and xeriscape. Try saying that without exhaling!

‘eather mellows out with griffin, kinesthetic and barnacle. Good words all.

LeeAnn doesn’t bogart the dictionary and offers up a one-hitter: pulchritude.

Susie passes on extemporaneous. With a big silly smile on her face. Matches mine, I’m sure.

I picture Nic in the corner, contemplating geometry and her place in the universe, hence Triangulation. Then again, she may just be thinking about Taco Bell drive-thru being open late.

I think we’re getting a little too out there with the words. Google searches aren’t finding anything except online dictionaries, medical sites, and good ol’ Rocket Jones. While the last is personally satisfying, it’s not a lot of fun for you guys. We should try for more common words I think, although my vocabulary has gotten a lot better!

Whoa. Did I just say that out loud? :)

Besides the expected fish hatcheries, we get recipe pages for fingerling potatoes and then this:

Ed brings back the reckless fire and primal, raw energy that made rock music the igniting force that changed generations and cultures.


We also find a children’s book by Monica Hughes – Little Fingerling. The synopsis says that "Issun Boshi is a little boy no bigger than your thumb, but he makes up for his small size in courage. He seeks his fortune in the big city of Kyoto, where he becomes the favourite in a merchant's home. He falls in love with Plum Bossom, the merchant's daughter, and dreams hopelessly of marrying her. When he overcomes two evil giants he uses their magic hammer with Plum Blossom's help, gains his wish and becomes a handsome samurai warrior."

Uh huh. We know who else has been smokin’ something tax-free...

pusillanimous + zucchini
Texas Monthly magazine had an article about restaurant food including The Texas Food Manifesto. Site required registration and login, so I didn’t bother.

Very cool word and concept meaning the conservation of water and resources through creative landscaping. The apex of the design would be the in-ground swimming pool, made with reinforced concrete to protect the earth below, and catch and conserve the water above. That was a lot funnier when I first thought of it. Have another hit and read it again.

Griffin + barnacle
Griffin’s Waterfowl, purveyor of fine Barnacle Geese.

Just to shake things up a little bit, let’s try something. We’ve got the following words left: pulchritude, kinesthetic, extemporaneous, triangulation. steatopygian, stentorious, propitious, osteomalacia and tintinnabulation. Pick a word or two, google it, and post the link to something that catches your fancy on the search results. Put it on your blog and link back here, or leave it in the comments.

Somehow I lack the ambition to continue this junket right now... 'ere.

Posted by Ted at 03:55 PM | Comments (0)

October 17, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

Daniel, who works with dangerous substances and thinks of Spinal Tap (connection? possibly.) grooved four straight fastballs down the middle with:
apodyopsis, hypnerotomachia, callipygian, colpocoquette

Can you tell I stayed up last night to watch the Sox implode?

Also in the on-deck circle, we have:
Susie, who uses way too much pine-tar, chipped in with Protagonist.
Jennifer suggested Horsepower while pulling on her batting glove (make sure the logo shows or you don't get the endorsement check).
Stevie tossed out Pixilated, underhand. The crowd booed.
And StMack confused the umpire by using the word Discursive while delivering the lineup cards.

But wait, there's more!
Victor, who is the one man in this world that Don Zimmer is afraid of, suggested Nomad.
It's such a nice day that Jennifer decided to play two! Wondrous.
Susie is a closet Pirates fan, but her practicallity gets in the way. She turned the double play and gave us Remuneration.
Serenity heard about cricket bats and thought that was a wonderful idea, so she now carries a paooki bat. Her battle cry is Tergiversation!

Batter up!

apodyopsis + hypnerotomachia
Daniel, my friend, you have issues. Cherish them. This combination brings up a whole heap o’ hits (ok, five total) mostly relating to rare words.

The first on the list is this site, containing these gems (among others not related to our words):

apodyopsis (AP-oh-dy-AHP-sis) - the act of mentally undressing someone.
hypnerotomachia (HIP-nur-oh-tuh-MAK-ee-uh) - the struggle between sleep and sexual desire.

I mention in passing that the following does not apply to me, since according to my wife, I have no butt.

callipygian (KAL-i-PIJ-ee-in) - having well-formed buttocks.

Our next stop bills itself as Language and Linguistics Notebook, and there’s some pretty fun and interesting things here. If they’re not fun and interesting to you, it’s because you’re not fully committed to dorkdom.

Third on the list is this, which contains semi-coherent scribblings about balsa wood. Obviously a tree-hugger. The last two sites are just poor imitations of the first two.

Now, Daniel also suggested callipygian and colpocoquette. I mentioned callipygian above, and my alleged lack of same. Here’s what the same site had to say about colpocoquette:

colpocoquette (KAHL-puh-koh-KET) - woman who knows she has an attractive bosom and makes good use of its allure.

I am a gentleman (despite recent evidence) so I won’t say anything. But please feel free to leave your funny remarks in the comments. I’d like to hear them.

Protagonist + horsepower
The first site was a no-page-found. The second was interesting, I think. It’s a review of an album, I think. A passage to illustrate:

From here, the protagonist travels a vast emotional tundra to humility, working through narcissism ("I Felt My Size"), and toward acceptance ("I Felt Your Shape"), even if that involves a (romantic) loss so painful it could drive you to off yourself.

Down the list a ways is this automotive discussion board about the movie ‘Gone In 60 Seconds’ and one of it’s muscle car stars, the ’67 Shelby Mustang. Some beautiful pictures here, besides the gearhead talk.

Wow. Author Mark Leyner’s book Tetherballs of Bougainville from Amazon. Is this a must-read? Judge for yourself (review paraphrased):

Young Leyner-- a fictionalized 13-year-old version of himself --must watch the state of New Jersey execute his PCP-addled father; lose his virginity in a drunken, drugged revel with the comely warden; and write a screenplay about these things, all within the space of a day.

Pixilated + Discursive
A list of abstracts for a Tourism and the Media Conference. Not a complete waste of time to skim through it, but close.

We also find a thesis for the Cultural Studies Postgraduate Program by Daniel Marshall, who examines… aw hell, read it for yourself:

This thesis will examine the deployment of the "boy" as an erotic fiction in twentieth century Western modernity. Using a broadly Foucauldian framework, it will construct a genealogical inquiry into modern cultural intersections between discourses of male homosexuality and paedophilia as centred on constructions of the "boy."

There’s lots more. Lots more. While you read, I’m going to get an aspirin. I’ll take my time, since there’s lots more to read. Actually there isn’t, but it just bludgeons you with scholarly vocabulary and structure, so it seems like there’s more. Lots more.

Another essay. Think they'd be upset to learn that they show up after the homo-boy thesis on Google?

Hey, a blog archive! Here’s his home page.

Nomad + wondrous
Culture. First up is an article about the Nomad theater (in Boulder, Colorado) and their production of "Darwin in the Dreamtime". Skimming the review, it sounds like moonbat feelgood bullshit. But where, you may ask, is the wondrous part? Read on.

Throughout the performance, the wondrous Ash Dargan, Australian didgeridoo master, weaves an entrancing sound score; his occasional appearance onstage as a spirit guide is no less arresting.

Graphic Novels from Japan. Manga. I’ve heard the term, but don’t really know what it is beyond ‘cartoon’. Any help?

Here we have the homepage of His Holiness the Seventeenth Gyalwa Karmapa, who was born on the eighth day of the fifth Tibetan month in the year of the Wood Ox (June 26, 1985 using the Western calendar) in Lhathok, located in the nomad community of Bakor in eastern Tibet.

His father’s name is Karma. Talk about predestination, eh?

Lots and lots of hits about equal pay for everyone, with a few scattered here and there about executive salaries or industry averages. Susie, are we supposed to read something into this? I think it's a plea for help that your beloved Pirates have among the smallest payrolls in baseball. How do you feel about that?

Tergiversation + remuneration
Ahhhh, much better. First up is a blog: Lies, damned lies, and equivocation. Good stuff.

Here’s the first of a few sites about Thomas Paine.

And the Council of Trent was the 19th ecumenical council of the Roman Catholic church, was held at Trent in northern Italy between 1545 and 1563. It marked a major turning point in the efforts of the Catholic church to respond to the challenge of the Protestant Reformation and formed a key part of the Counter-Reformation.

Finally, another blog, but it looks to be a deader. About living in Paris. Actually, it appears to be basically one long bitch about living in Paris, and dealing with Parisians, which Paris would be crawling with by definition. I’ve visited France but not Paris, and it wasn’t pleasant, so I can only assume that the poor blogger finally gave in to despair and jumped out a window. I hope it was a high window, and that he made a huge splat that some Frenchman had to clean up. Just to piss ‘em off.

I’m going to save the following for the next Google Junket.

Stevie: fingerling, curettage, pusillanimous, zucchini

Denita TwoDragons: steatopygian, stentorious, propitious, osteomalacia, tintinnabulation, xeriscape

Heather: griffin, kinesthetic, barnacle

Ooooo, three intelligent ladies together… drift off into standard male fantasy number 4... don't worry, you're all still dressed. I am a gentleman ya know.

Posted by Ted at 08:01 AM | Comments (5)

October 15, 2003

Rocket Jones’ Great Random Google Junket

We’ve got a full roster of interesting words to work with this time, and a full bench of reserves for the next go-round.

Starting lineup:
Vaseline – from Tuning Spork
Vainglory – from Susie
Hysterisis – from Pixy Misa
Strop – from Victor
Supernumerary Jennifer
Aberrant Serenity

vaseline + vainglory
We’re seeing lots of dictionary word lists, but the second hit for this combination is a list of unclaimed domain names. Inconceivably, both Vaseline.com and Vainglory.com are available.

The second page of hits turned up this poetry and writings. Farther down the page both words are used sensibly. I like how it starts out though, as if talking to a priest in the confessional:

Bless me Father
for I have sinned
And it was so much fun
I might do it again!

vainglory + hysterisis
Google suggested the alternate spelling hysteresis, and the only hit for the original was my site for the last Google Junket. Using the new spelling generated three hits, the first from a German university with the page titled “C. Geertz and Twentieth Century Chinese Cultural Discourse”. Written in english no less.

Hit number two is a page from the Morgan Stanley brokerage house, a Global Economic Forum. Pretty depressing reading, these folks need some prozac or a swift kick in the ass. According to them, we might as well line up now to jump out the window or lay down in front of a bus.

From the third and final hit:
"This is a fragment of a startling drama, sadly not unique, in the life of a great scientist who dared to stand against the Atomists of this century. Atomism is a belief system which holds that by describing the particle composition of material an explanation is thereby produced not only of universal physicality but of all reality. It would reduce thought itself to contingent atomic reactions."

Uh huh. Pass the prozac swift kick please, it’s some kind of epidemic of doom and gloom all of a sudden.

hysteresis + strop
An evaluation of the fibre rope properties for offshore mooring in pdf format. Undoubtably useful to someone, but it’s anti-exciting to me.

There are several more hits, all having the same basic premise – materials engineering. Mildly interesting is that the word strop also means a bight of rope. I didn't know that.

strop + supernumerary
Grand Slam! First up is a portion of David’s Glossary of Theatre Terms. Second on the hit list is the Poet’s Corner, with an introduction to John Masefield’s Dauber, including another glossary, this time of nautical terms used in the poem. Hmmmm... Polydactyl Facts seems to be about cats with extra toes, including one extraordinary example of a kitty with 27 total toes. Is this common? I’d never heard of it. The last page listed is another poem, with the confusing title of “Untitled Birthday Greeting”.

supernumerary + aberrant
Five of the first seven hits relate to cancer of various kinds. The sixth has something to do with dentistry, and the seventh talks about people with extra breast(s). No links.

aberrant + vaseline
This completes the circle, and I was kinda dreading it, but I shouldn’t have worried, because most of what came up was more medical stuff. Apparently Vaseline is some sort of wonder substance. One interesting site is this page of ramblings by the guitarist of a band. And we’ve got a trend going here, with the final link being from IndyMedia. Clinton and Vaseline, and Dean and Aberrant, in one article. Honest!

Ok, so this wasn't the most exciting Junket ever, but at least we didn't have fans reaching in and grabbing letters.

Next time we have several words from Daniel, who was trying to impress me with his vocabulary. Actually I am impressed.


Susie chipped in with Protagonist.
Jennifer suggests Horsepower.
Stevie tosses out Pixilated (I think she was dreaming about Justin Timberlake naked. Pixilation is exactly what I'd want in my dream).
And StMack antes up with Discursive.

Should be fun! Thanks for the suggestions, keep ‘em coming.

Posted by Ted at 07:23 AM | Comments (10)

October 09, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

It's about time, eh?

This is a special all-Stevie edition of the Google Junket, courtesy of a whole list of words submitted by our good friend Daun. These words tell a lot more about her than she's comfortable with, I'm sure. You'll see what I mean.

Let's jump right into it, eh?

gastropod + heifer
Interestingly enough, the number one hit on this combination of words is yours truly. The second is an alphabetical list of words from MIT. You can’t trust those guys, I’ve seen the movie Real Genius.

gastropod + heifer + naked
At this point, the plan was to add 'naked' or 'nekkid' to every combination and see what happened. First hit is still Rocket Jones, second is a different list of words, this time from the UK. Finally we hit paydirt! Well, not quite. I was redirected to a porn site, which I immediately backed out of, and then had to call the IT department to let them know that I wasn’t surfing for porn on company time (I’m on my lunch break). Darn it, the link looked promising too, here’s the description:

Cheech and chong action figure, pictures of animals of all over…
... boys adult naked photos. ... pictures of the sun; frog cow wolf cartoon heifer, cartoon pictures ... gastropod known for its Voyeur five letters.: msn 8.5 known issues ... www.theii.net/ precious-gems-that-are-mined-in-western-australia.html

Oops, I didn’t notice the boys adult naked photos (honest!), gotta be more careful. No more adding 'naked', that's for sure.

fistula + hedonism
Stevie dear, what the hell is wrong with you? This combo brings up a medical dictionary, a political rant site that looks suspiciously like a porn-redirect, and then four no-bones-about-it porn sites. A little further down the list (I need links, fer cryin’ out loud) is a glossary of US Naval Code Words. Now this is something that appeals to the history loving geek in me. Ignore what I said, this is neat.

A quick skim through the extensive Code Name list shows that VICTOR I, II, III, IV and V were all WWII Allied invasion landings in the south pacific, and that GLENN stood for 'domestic'. I'm assuming you're housebroken guy, although all girlfriends/wives/partners automatically assume the opposite.

custard + algebra
Now we’re getting somewhere. First up is a bookstore where you can get cookbooks (containing recipes for custard) and algebra books (containing recipes for headaches). Next is a page of education related Teachers Notes for a television program called Keep Your Balance. Neat. Everything, the Math Project. Hey, they use the word Blather. And I know what Boolean logic is. If you don’t, then look it up! Ok, I did for you. An explanation is here. Finally – for this pair of words – we find the staff listing for New Bloomfield High School in New Bloomfield, Missouri. Besides having Algebra teachers (imagine that), their attendance clerk is named Marita Custard.

zymurgy + protean
Hey, I’m number one again! That’s great news, because I’m sure gazillions of internet users search on this combination while looking for barely-legal babes. Next up though, is a site hosted on a French server, talking about a role playing game about Vampires. Third up is the same information, looks like a ghosted version on a different server. Fourth through whatever seem to be those darned alphabetized lists again.

Mainly because I’m afraid to see what naked + redneck will bring up, we'll just move right along past this one and go straight to:

mohair + redneck
Crap, this page is dismantled, and it looked good too. Redneck Miniature Bears, only 2 ½” tall, named Kilroy. Awwwww. Too bad we can't see 'em. (redneck named Kilroy?)

Now for some reason, we get into the musical portion of our entertainment.

A page about an interview with a stoner-rock group named On Trial, whose slogan appears to be “where there’s smoke, there’s smoke”. That probably sounded really profound at the time. Next is a British music company specializing in American Country albums. My favorite title is by Barbara Carr – Bone Me Like You Own Me. The Derailers sing about Mohair Sam, and Charlie Daniels chips in with the title track of Redneck Fiddlin’ Man. Music galore! An Elton John lyrics page, which for our purposes could have been shortened to two songs, because Bennie and the Jets contains mohair and Honky Cat has the redneck.

Stevie + nekkid
So sue me. Besides, we got hits. Nekkid Radio has Stevie Nicks songs on their playlist. No link because I’m at work and I don’t want to have to call IT again today. Killoggs is smart enough NOT to wave at Stevie Wonder, and proud of it. It looks like a group hive mind sorta thing. Interesting. And then Acid Man checks in, again with Stevie Nicks, but he wants to see her nekkid. Better than Stevie Wonder.

It’s become traditional to end with a truly disturbing link (well, twice in a row now), and this is one of those that might not be universally popular. Here is a review of Justin Timberlake’s release Justified. I could care less about him, but this reviewer compares him favorably to Stevie Wonder. Really? Oh yeah, he also dwells on Justin’s confession of performing oral sex on then-girlfriend Britney Spears. Sorry, I’m not impressed.

Lotta sex stuff in this go-round. Way to go Stevie!

Next time, we get:
Vaseline from Tuning Spork, who apparently didn’t learn a thing from his last word ‘saliva’.
Vainglory from Susie.
Hysterisis from Pixy Misa.
Strop from Victor, who owns two of them. He’s a perv.
Supernumerary from Jennifer.
Aberrant from Serenity (and thank you for the compliment, m'lady).

As always, leave your suggested words in the comments and we'll see where Google takes us.

Posted by Ted at 01:08 PM | Comments (7)

October 02, 2003

Rocket Jones’ Great Random Google Junket

Looks like it's either feast or famine. Today it’s a feast. Thank you thank you thank you.

On today’s menu:

Phogiston, with cream of Pixy Misa
Centrifugal, with Jennifer on the half shell
Period, ala Victor the younger

Apocolocynposis, with dill and just a hint of John
Prosaic, lightly tossed with balsamic vinegarette and Daniel
Huslanka, grilled and served with The Meatriarch

Reciprocity, sounds deliciously LeeAnn, doesn't it?
Fatuous, rich and smooth, pure Serenity
Illustrious, traditional, yet Susie

From the bar
Bier, imported or domestic (we ID Mookie)
Saliva, by the glass, magnum, or Tuning Spork

Bon Apetit!

phogiston + centrifugal
Gnomish weaponry. Who didn’t see that one coming?

And, The Encyclopedia of World History tells of the 1673 theories of phlogiston and centrifugal motion, as well as the invention of the pendulum clock.

period + apocolocyntosis
Sorry John, I think the original was misspelled although it looks like it was intentional. Google corrected it and we got hits! Well, what we got was multiple hits about The Satyricon by Seneca the Apocolocyntosis, a book about a period in Roman history.

prosaic + bier
The Beer Advocate and a review of Samuel Adams Weiss Bier. These slug puppies want you to subscribe in order to get full access to their site. Translation: pay for their beer. Nice scam guys, but I’ll do my own research. Reading some of the reviews is creepy because these guys aren’t just describing a beer as much as autopsying their best friend.

On a happier note, this newspaper article describes a person who organizes the funeral of your dreams for you. Me? I wanna watch mine from the balcony. With a pellet gun.

saliva + reciprocity
Slicking one finger with his saliva, Riker carefully inserted just the tip into Spock's anus.” Star Trek Porn, entitled Reciprocity. First on the list too. No link, because if it don’t have T’Pau getting down, I don’t wanna read it.

Farther down the list is a site about some pagan religion and the positive aspects of holy saliva.

Fess up, A. I figured out enough to know that this is a foreign word and has something to do with yogurt. Sour milk? There were hits in Italian, German, Polish, and some slavic language. Very very sly.

fatuous + illustrious
The first hit is a rambling screed against Arafat and the 9/11 hijackers. Here’s the link, although I don’t think it worth wasting time on.

Wild Wales: Its people, language and scenery. An online book of mild interest to me, you might find it more or less so.

Ahhh, history. The Great Historic Families of Scotland. Scroll down for lots more information. Now this is stuff I can get into.

We’ll finish up with a moonbat posting. Decline of the West, by George Szamuely. It’s dated from 2000 though, so I have no idea what else he’s done or is currently up to. I don’t care enough to check.

So that’s everything this time except for one special set of submitted words. Next time we’ll have the special Stevie edition of the Random Google Junket. Make sure you tighten your seatbelts for that one, because it could be an interesting ride. With any luck that is.

Again my thanks to everyone who suggested a word. Do it again. Don’t make me beg because you never know, we both might like it.

Posted by Ted at 02:51 PM | Comments (9)

September 29, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

I got three words to work with. Three. Lousy. Words. You can do better than that. I mean, how hard is it to open the comments and type in a word. Any word.

Victor, Susie, and Pixy Misa are cool. They get links, you don't. Until you gimme a word.

Victor: Calendar.
Susie: Redundant.
Pixy Misa: Obstreperpous.

calendar + redundant
A live journal blog. Not the most exciting start.

Calendar + obstreperous
Legal stuff. A calendar of events at a seminar or something. Among the things you can learn are how to "Deal with obstreperous opposing counsel…". I watched Jaws the other night, and I think the correct method is to stuff a compressed air tank down his throat and start shooting with a rifle.

obstreperous + redundant
A list of unusual words beginning with the letter ‘O’. Now this is kinda cool if you like words. I do.

Wasn't that fun and exciting and stunted and short and abrupt? Yeah, I thought so too, so I threw in a couple more just for fun.

ambient + penumbra
"As is readily apparent, smooth penumbras require high oversampling."
Sounds like the Vulcan edition of the Joy of Sex.

Michigan voter information.

And just to prove that I'm not terminally bitter, here's one I found just because.

cheese + pizazz

"A premium quality no-fat cheese, Pizazz™ is less than one percent fat and cholesterol free while providing an excellent source of calcium and protein. This fat free pasteurized process cheese product is specially manufactured using a proprietary process that was developed by Century Foods. The flavor, aroma and texture is retained resulting in a healthier fat-free, cholesterol-free cheese that melts, stretches and tastes like full fat cheese. The perfect answer for today’s healthy diet aware cheese consumer.

Pizazz has a firm and uniform body that minimizes fines when shredded and reduces loss for precuts. Packaged in 20 pound exact weight box with liner for pre-cutters and shredders or coated box that improves rectangular shape and minimizes trim loss, shredded or diced in bag in box."

Comments demanded.

Posted by Ted at 11:37 AM | Comments (14)

September 25, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

Boy howdy! ThiS epiSode iS eSpecially Spectacular becauSe of that letter that never StraightenS out - "S". Special thankS to thoSe who Suggested wordS.

Today's fuel:
Jennifer (from the hold queue) suggested splice.
We also had a leftover from Victor, with safety.
Pixy Misa chimed in with squamous.
Jennifer added in shapely, as in "You'll never know, loser boy".
Victor seems to be in a rut, volunteering stinky.
Nic anted up with strontium.

Good words all. Thanks for playing!

First off, I want to mention that the word 'squamous' rattled around deep within the dungeon of useless information inside my skull. I thought about it a little bit, and remembered - I hoped - how to spell 'squamish', which was the subject of an imaginary sport courtesy of Mad magazine. Google is your friend! Here's that article, now who's up for a game or two of 43-man Squamish? By the way, when this article came out in 1965, I was 6 years old, so I suspect that I caught it first in a later 'best of' edition of Mad. But it's not inconceivable that I was reading the magazine that young, because Mad was the one magazine that I made sure to read every month for years and years.

Oh yeah, Squamish is also a place in British Columbia, Canada, and an Indian tribe. I had no idea.

Back to the words at hand.

shapely + squamous
I was afraid of this combo, for good reason it turns out. Four out of the first five hits were plastic surgery or otherwise medically related, all discussing forms of cancer. No links folks. Feel free.

safety + splice
Wow, the Safety-Splice signpost system! Snaps off at the ground when hit by a car, I think. The site is a little light on hard information.

safety + shapely
There were quite a few artsy hits for this combo, but nothing with nudity. Dang. For those who insist on sleaze, ask Stevie about her underoo-buddy.

On the second site, Joe Muscle wants to sell you suppliments to build shapely legs.

squamous + stinky
The first hit is the rather imaginatively named “Sweaty Vagina Stories”, which turns out to be mundane porn. Not worth going to (I checked so you wouldn’t have to).

Next up is the Carnivorous Plant FAQ. Very similar in concept to the above porn site, I suppose. Not really, unless you’re a parent trying to scare the hell out of your pubescent young man. Convince him that everything his friends have told him is wrong, that helps.

splice + strontium
The poetic table of elements. Boron? Not Fermi. Ok, I'll stop now.

strontium + shapely
An article titled My Experiences In Reef-Keeping, from SeaScope magazine. Interesting for you aquarium buffs.

splice + stinky
What do a sinkhole, a park ranger, and a broken sewer pipe have in common? Add 'em all up, and you get news from legendary Tombstone, Arizona. Read all about it in the Tombstone Epitaph (which gets my vote for coolest newspaper name ever).

So there you have it. Suggest a word, any word, and we'll see where Google takes us. Sometimes it seems like the decorator is Dali, which is when it's most fun for me. Gotta run, the clock is melting.

Posted by Ted at 07:04 AM | Comments (3)

September 24, 2003

Rocket Jones’ Great Random Google Junket

I let this slide during my life-threatening illness (it's called poetic license, give me a break), but it's back and even better than Virtual Jennifer: Skin or Other. Negotiations continue on version 2 of that game.

Words for this go-round:
Ostentatious by John at SilverBlue.
Flatulence also by John, going for the double play here.
Quagmire as suggested by Jennifer, she of History and Stuff.
Lucky from Victor, over at Publius & Co.
Jejune by our own Pixy Misa. My comments below on this one.
Proximity from Susie of Practical Penumbra. Obviously some sort of 'P' word fetish.

Ostentatious + Flatulence
An auspicious start - I misspelled flatulence (flatulance), and still got one hit. We’re supposed to trust this guy’s jargon dictionary even though he can’t spell the uppity word for fart? What the hell is 4/3 anyways?

Spelling the word correctly means that yours truly comes up as numbers one and two on the Google hit list. Thanks John, I think.

Interesting. Add quagmire and I’m still first and second, but in the fourth spot is a document titled “The 1000 Most Common SAT Words” (no link, it's a .pdf document).

Better yet, on the side of the google page is an ad for personal fart filters! Here’s my favorite bit:
Take Back Your Life Again! - No Need to Remain Trapped in Your Home!
Now you can go out in public without fear of embarrassment due to the odor of excessive intestinal gas - flatulence - caused by any reason or condition! Say Good-bye to excess gas odor -PERMANENTLY! Live Life Again!

Why not just do like the ladies, and keep a small dog around to blame?

Lucky + Quagmire
Bill Maher makes his first appearance on the Junket! Quagmire refers to the War on Drugs in a link to another article. The rest of this little rant is actually pretty funny. It’s very short, so screw it, I’ll quote the whole thing:

Three German siblings (Dyrk, David, and Astrid) are claiming that aviator Charles Lindbergh was their father and they want to take DNA tests to prove it. Their proof is that their mother talked about Lindbergh a lot and also received over 100 love letters from him. They also say they don’t want money; they just want “recognition”. So I guess in lieu of three fat checks from Lindy’s estate they’ll settle for the world knowing that their mother was a slut who banged foreigners and than an American icon was a philanderer. Thanks, people, for ruining our collective day over absolutely nothing.

Lucky + Flatulence
Hey, who would’ve guessed the virtual cornucopia of links this produced?

Whale flatulence, as reported on Electric Venom in the last couple of weeks. Do a search there if you must.

Mr. Goodbeer offers up the FartMatic 5000. Also check out the Whoopie Cushion costume advertised farther down the page.

The Flatulence Dictionary. Someone felt a need for this?

And finally (finally!), a real news story about farmers protesting a proposed flatulence tax. The idea is bad enough, but just thinking about wearing the meter gives me the willies.

Ok, enough with the fart jokes. Let’s move on…

Jejune + proximity
This combo nets us a blog entry about springtime. And for those of you who don’t know what the word ‘jejune’ means, I checked the dictionary for you (I didn't either). It means ‘devoid of substance or interest’, much like the Google Junket. By the way Pixy, that thinly veiled insult was pretty darned snotty. Now I’m glad I looked it up. I shall retaliate, or maybe I already did. I lose track sometimes.

I also found the word Jackassery in the Dictionary too! And it means exactly what it sounds like. You learn something every day. In modern usage, we’d say Asshattery.

I’ve still got Safety and Splice for the next Junket. How about a few more ‘S’ words to add to the mix?

Posted by Ted at 10:21 AM | Comments (7)

September 15, 2003

Rocket Jones’ Great Random Google Junket

Ok, for reasons I talked about below, I didn't do the Junket last night. I do need more suggestions folks, so keep it up. The comments are down below, just leave a word, any word. And we'll see what back alley we wind up in, eh?

Tonight's words:
Snorkle - from LeeAnn
Ricochet - from Tuning Spork
Nyquil - from Jennifer
and a special request from Victor for

1. Snorkle + ricochet - I’m not going to post any links for this combo, because the first several were all about ATV’s. Go figure.

2. Nyquil + ricochet - brought up two uninteresting sites, the first is a message board where we read "Tanks Ushiro. I tink I will ricochet back to bed now and hug my Nyquil..", and a site where we can learn all about a singer/songwriter from Taos, New Mexico, who’s written songs titled Nyquil Blues and Ricochet. Mike, you've just been Rocket Jonesed. Do you think I'd be pushy if I asked for a percentage of future gross?

3. nyquil + snorkle - this is a natural, eh? Only one travel hit, and we learn "They use mint liqueur and it tastes like Nyquil!"

Which brings us to 4. Stevespurriercantcoachhiswayoutofapeepeesoakedpaperbag - which against all reason brought up zero hits. Being the persistant type, I slightly edited the search criteria to "Steve Spurrier coach paper bag" and whattayaknow... 258 hits.

This is typical: "Can Steve Spurrier coach his way out of a wet paper bag, or is it back to the NCAA for him?" I saw similar sentiments on more than one online betting site. Looks like he’s not convincing people that he can coach in the NFL.

So there you have it. Leave a word. Be amazed and amused. Besides, it keeps me off the porn sites.

Posted by Ted at 08:43 PM | Comments (10)

September 13, 2003

Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket

Without further ado:

Today's words were ashtray (suggested by Starhawk), dartboard (suggested by Gebiv - no URL), pimp (suggested by Mookie), and staplegun (suggested by Tuning Spork). Staple gun - according to Google - is two words, so that's what I used. Here we go.

1. Ashtray + dartboard + staple gun
Two entries of note (actually, there were only two), a list of money-making ideas, and a bunch of polls. Mmmmm, haggis!

Pimp didn't lend itself well to multiple word searches, so I did it one at a time with the other words.

2. pimp + ashtray
Phat Pimp Clothing. And other assorted useless things for sale.

3. pimp + dartboard
Pimp & Ho dart team. There's something very fruedian going on here.

4. pimp + staple gun
A short story titled Massage Parlor Murder. I just skimmed it, but I don't think it's porn. That doesn't mean it's any good. Then again, it doesn't mean it's not.

And finally, a little teaser from part of tomorrow's list:

5. Snorkel + Nyquil
Check out IndecisionGirl. It's a pretty fun read, but it looks like she's lost interest in her blog.

There ya go. Suggest words, get links up the wazoo. Don't suggest words, and get a lynx up the wazoo.

Posted by Ted at 09:07 PM | Comments (1)

September 12, 2003

Game Results

This worked out pretty good people! I got three quick entries from Victor, Jennifer and StMack, and then Tuning Spork chipped in with a fourth.

If you have no idea what this game is about, check the rules here. You'll notice that I changed things a little bit to work better.

Today's words:

Victor: coelacanth (google insisted it was spelled this way Victor)
Jennifer: amaretto
StMack: elastic
Tuning Spork: camera

1. Coelacanth + amaretto
Only one site was found for this combo, and it asked a bunch of weird questions. My favorite is “What are looser than normal in a double-jointed person?

I’d guess morals, but that’s just me being hopeful.

2. Coelacanth + elastic
From the first site hit:
Tokyo, January 19, 2001 -- Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, Ltd. (MHI), has started production of the world's first, radio-controlled lifelike robotic fish to be made available on the market, dubbed "Mitsubishi Animatronics." The animatronic device is in the likeness of a coelacanth, an ancient fish called a "living fossil." MHI is creating the lifelike creature in the hopes of marketing it and similar animatronic system to amusement parks and aquariums.

When Chucky Cheese gets stale, you just trot out the prehistoric fish robot. Be still my heart.

3. elastic + amaretto
Wow. An online bartender guide comes up first on the list, with a recipe for a drink called the:

Purple Elastic Thunder Fuck

4. coelacanth + camera + elastic
This one is... uh... interesting. Very avant-garde. Interesting. Uh... yeah.

5. camera + elastic + amaretto
This combo brings up a promotional marketing site. Besides corporate-logo’d frisbees and paper clip holders, you can get see-thru cameras, ball on an elastic string (a popular seller I’m sure), and the dreaded non-alcoholic amaretto-flavored truffles.

There you have it. Pretty good I think, so keep the words coming! Now, about the title, I've come up with a few names, but they're pretty uninspired I think. Let's hear your suggestions.

'Googling Gone Wild'
'Rorshach was a piker'
'Buckaroo Bill's Barnacle Bondage Roundup' [sorry - wrong game]
'Under Google's Basement Steps'

Posted by Ted at 10:29 PM | Comments (3)

New game

Time for a little group participation game, inspired by reading about wierdness other bloggers find in their search engine stats.

Here's the rules:

In the comments, post a word. Any word. The first thing that comes to mind. Don't even look at what other words folks have suggested first, just let it be random.

At the end of the day, I'll put all the words together into a search string and post the results - maybe the first three pages it hits.

Keep it reasonably clean.

Wow, first the Virtual Jennifer Map and now this. How come I'm not rich yet? Oh yeah, we need a snazzy name for this game!

Posted by Ted at 06:07 PM | Comments (9)
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