March 15, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls!

Collins has reappeared (only in various comments, so far).

This could be scary and funny and touching and infuriating in turn and all at once. For a sample, or a warning shot (depending on your viewpoint), check out his archives.

I'm all a-tingle.

Posted by Ted at 06:00 AM | Comments (6)

August 21, 2004

Football begins, and a man's fancy turns to ice

That's right folks, it's time to start gearing up for the second annual

Inter-Munuvian Hockey Whoopass Jamboree!

The rules are simple:

1. If you have a favorite hockey team, place their logo somewhere on your front page.
2. Every time your team plays someone else's team in the Jamboree, the loser must place the winner's logo on their front page for 24 hours.

That's it!

Need an example? Let's say that Victor's Washington Capitals are playing Heather's St. Louis Blues and win (it's an example, not reality *snicker*), then Heather will display the Caps logo prominently for a day or so, and Victor can crow and link to and point out her shame and sudden increase in good blogging taste - yes, trash talking is encouraged.

Last year's line up (I assume you are all participating again):

Victor - Washington Capitals
Heather - St. Louis Blues
Helen - Dallas Stars
Ted - San Jose Sharks (hey, that's me!)

Others I expect will participate this year:

Daniel - Atlanta Thrashers
Nic - Washington Capitals

Who else? Gir, what moosey club do you follow now that the Jets left town? Any Detroit fans? Who still admits that they kinda like the Rangers?

So everyone, let me know and I'll do the minimal setting of this up (translation: I'll make a list). If anyone needs, I have a source for team logo's if you can't find one.

Despite the name, I see no reason that this can't be open to any and all.

I just hope that there will be a hockey season this year.

(sorry for the cheap shot, Victor)

Posted by Ted at 07:24 PM | Comments (8)

July 03, 2004

Happy Birthday-ish to Rocket Jones

July 3rd. It was a year ago (give or take a few days) when Rocket Jones started on BlogSpot. Like many others, I owe huge thanks to Pixy Misa for offering me a new home on Munuviana. One of my personal goals was to post something every day, and believe it or not I managed that. It's kind of like Cal Ripken's consecutive game record: at some point I'll miss a day and now that I've reached the one year point, I'll be ok with the end of the streak.

The first blog I ever read was Rachel Lucas, and it was sheer accident that I stumbled across her site. Several guys where I used to work are avid shooters, so for fun I googled "Girls with Guns" or something similar. Rachel Lucas' place came up, and I discovered blogs. I read around for some time, sent a few emails, was actually answered by a few people (which surprised me - thank you Rachel and our very own Annika), and eventually decided that by sharing myself on a blog of my own, the world might not be a better place, but it'd survive. What the hell.

So today, rather than toot my own horn, I'd like to mention a few memorable posts I've read since I started blogging. This is by no means a comprehensive list.

Spork bringing back Rachel Lucas. At least the scary little girl floating head part of her.

Stephen's iPod project, back when he was still on BlogSpot. His series inspired me to start building a rocket online.

Meatriarch's multi-part dog breed posts. Three quick notes: 1 - did you decide to not move to the Munuviana site? If so, then I need to readjust my links back to the old place. 2. There's no search function on your old site, could you give the links in the comments here, because... 3. These "dog" posts are outstanding, and everyone that hasn't had the chance to read them should take the time.

The story of Collins. The man, the nose, the saga. Gone, but not forgotten.

My first Instalanche, during the original link war on Frank J, when I compared Frank to Aquaman - unfavorably (yeah, so I tooted my horn a little bit).

Funniest line: From Anna at Primal Purge, about women having way too many children: "It's a vagina, lady, not a clown car".

(Ok, another toot) Winning three photo caption contests on three different sites: Wizbang!, Captain's Quarters, and Blather Review. Take that all you authority figures who said being a smartass would never get me anywhere!

The picture that Helen drew in my mind with this:

...while he was busy on a tractor on one of them I walked along the cornrows in amiable company with my man, Mario. We noticed a patch of unplanted ground, a little cove that had thick grass under the shelter of some trees. Investigating closer, I found it was a small graveyard, a jumble of tombstones falling to the side, the names edging their way back out of the headstone, a family of tombstones grouped under the trees, forgotten.

A whole family, buried and ignored for the rest of their internment.

Paul, over at Sanity's Edge, who had me laughing to the point of tears with his post Tales From The Holidays. Just head over there and click on his "best of" link, you won't go wrong (there, I've linked it - happy now?).

I know I'm forgetting a million others. I'm about 2/3 of the way through a bottle of Sangria, which makes my total alcohol consumption for the year about 3 beers and 2/3's of a bottle of Sangria. It also makes for a pleasant buzz, I'm a cheap date.

There was that intervention set up by WindRider over at Bloviating Inanities. Virtual Anarchy, and lots of fun. Search the archives over there, look for Rocket Jones amongst others.

And of course, meeting people in real life. Over the last year, I've enjoyed a wonderful visit with SilverBlue and his compadres PoloRandy and Tink (and Roxette Bunny). I've shared a fun meal or three with the lovely Dawn, which is pronounced completely differently than Don.

So that's it, one year. Thanks to everyone who's ever stopped by to read, and who've left a comment (on slow days even the spammers are welcomed). Some bloggers just seem to attract scads of comments, and I never really got the knack for the cult thing I tried to set up (the sample fridge magnets were hideous). My online time has been sharply curtailed lately, so I'm not able to visit as many sites as I'd like each day. If you're on the blogroll, I stop by at least occasionally.

Now I've got to watch one more old movie for a review I'll post today (tomorrow actually, because I'm writing this last night). And Rocket Jones will continue on as before, sputtering and sparking and occasionally soaring to great heights of silliness.

It's just a year, but damn I'm proud of it.

Posted by Ted at 12:28 AM | Comments (10)

April 22, 2004

Ladies, see how stupid this sounds?

Does that banner above make my blog look fat?

It's a little too large I think. I'll have to shrink it a bit more this evening. I like the picture itself though. She's got a sly smile which hints at naughty times ahead. Just like Rocket Jones!

I'll be updating the hockey playoffs team array later to show the second round matchups.

And there's a new tagline over on the right. The tagline archive is here.

Oh yeah, Google has a graphic up celebrating Earth Day.

Posted by Ted at 06:49 AM | Comments (3)

April 16, 2004

Sorry Heather

San Jose Sharks take the series against your St. Louis Blues, 4 games to 1.


Posted by Ted at 12:45 AM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2004

Happy First Munuviana Birthday!!!

(in the extended entry - work safe)


Posted by Ted at 07:20 AM | Comments (1)

April 11, 2004

Pixy is one thinking-ahead kinda guy

For proof, all you need to know is that "Yay!" is the traditional Munuvian greeting and celebratory exclamation.

He alone recognized the need to keep it short and simple, as MuNu expands at a rate comparible to the business at an all-you-can-eat buffet opening next to a Jenny Craig.

A collective Yay! to the following new fellow-Munuvians:

A Likely Story
There's One, Only!
Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room
Light & Dark
It's All About De
Fear Your Future
2Flower To You
Anticipatory Retaliation
The Meatriarchy
Ellis Island
Blogo Slovo
Brain Fertilizer
Physics Geek
Beyond the Black Hole
The Massive Whinger
Straight White Guy
Key Issues
Martinis, Persistence, and a Smile
Closet Extremist
Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax
Combat Arms
Frinklin Speaks

Some were already on my blogroll in their old digs, some are new to me. Go explore a little bit, and say hi.

Oh, and check out Fear Your Future. It's a new teen group blog born of some pebbles rattling around inside Mookie's skull. Ask pointed questions, and don't give them the easy out. Remember, they may be the generation that picks out your old-folks home.

Posted by Ted at 10:41 AM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2004

Yay! Redux

Once again, the traditional Munuvian greeting, welcome and joyful exclamation (it's a compact language) echos through the hills as Munuviana continues it's assimilation of the blogosphere celebratory birthday expansion.

The newest batch to bribe their way through customs (hint: pineapple fried rice) have arrived. Stop by and say hello to:

Rambling Rhodes
Lemur Girl
Educated Beyond Her Intelligence
Primal Purge
Flying Space Monkey Chronicles

There are more pushing and shoving patiently waiting in line to join the Munuvia clan. They should, because we are the cool kids.

I expect there will be many housewarming parties held as folks get settled in.

Posted by Ted at 08:07 AM | Comments (1)

March 28, 2004


That's the traditional Munuvian greeting, welcome and joyful exclamation. And if'n you listen carefully, you'll hear many a 'yay' in the distance as Munuviana expands mightily.

Pixy Misa, author of Ambient Irony, has generously decided to offer up space for relocation and settlement. So far, welcome:

Miss Apropos
Little Miss Attila
Um's Musings

Check back, there will be many more in the near future. Oh, and if they don't look active right away, give 'em a little time because it takes a while to pack up and move, not to mention decorate. Sheesh people, new homes are always painted stark white.

Posted by Ted at 10:07 AM | Comments (3)

March 16, 2004

Mu.Nu News - New Mu.Nu

Say hello to Debbye over at Being American in T.O., the newest Munuvian. As far as I can tell, if you imagine Iron Chef Rivendell, speaking only in verse whilst competing in a dessert battle, you've got a fair idea. Then again, first impressions can be so misleading.

Welcome Debbye. I'm not really an idiot (see 'first impressions', above).

And if you didn't already know about it, over on the right I have a tagline that changes once in a while, and a tagline archive with some classic favorites.

Posted by Ted at 06:01 AM | Comments (1)

March 10, 2004

How do you pronounce that?

Simon uses it, so does Helen (I think). I've seen it on other non-US blogs too.


Is that whinging, as in "wing-ing"?

Or is that whinging, as in "win-jing"?

Posted by Ted at 07:14 AM | Comments (9)

March 03, 2004

So it's come down to this

The grand announcements were met with a yawn. As was the reminder. So now I'm moving right past threats and heading straight for bribery.

You may remember, back when the Axis of Evil Naughty (Classic) was nothing but a disorganized mob - not that that's a bad thing - and Jennifer decided to bribe folks with topless pictures of herself. You may also recall that yours truly was the first to vote for Jennifer, and I got the 'special' picture. ;) The rest of you got the innocent version. Nya nya slow-pokes.

Get your butts in gear and send some questions to Spork and Stephen. Google if you must, but don't let these two share a meal without your input! If it helps, pretend you're controlling their thoughts long-distance.

And don't forget the picture of Jennifer!*

*This offer applies to all but Jennifer. Dearest Jen, I'll post it on the newsgroup ALT.BINARIES.AMATUER.TOPLESS if you don't send at least one question to each. Don't test me, I'll do it.

Update: Susie is a classy lady.

Update: Victor is one hep rat too.

Posted by Ted at 02:23 PM | Comments (4)

February 21, 2004

All Hail Pixy Misa!

Mucho thanks and manly back-slapping hugs to Pixy. With his efforts, all the Munuvians are now hosted on a new and much faster server. This means that Rocket Jones will now rocket*.

*Speed-wise that is. Expect the drivel to continue as before.

Posted by Ted at 01:53 PM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2004

Too much time on your hands

Taking a cue from the flea ethereal, here's a list of countries that have appeared on my visitor logs:

United States, Canada, Australia, United Kingdom, South Africa, Italy, Sweden, Japan, New Zealand, Netherlands, Germany, Estonia, Norway, Belgium, Spain, Finland, France, Switzerland, Hong Kong, Singapore, Ireland, Austria, Denmark, Romania, Poland, Isreal, Saudi Arabia, Taiwan, Greece, Malaysia, China, Brazil, Iceland, Bangladesh, Bulgaria, India, Philippines, Portugal, Argentina, Slovenia, Nigeria, and the Russian Federation.

Welcome all, and thanks for visiting. And I know not all of them are countries, but they have their own internet country code suffix. And that, as my dad would say, is good enough for the girls I go with.

Posted by Ted at 08:28 PM | Comments (1)

February 12, 2004

Blogger Meet

Last evening I had the pleasure of meeting the ultra-fuschia Dawn of Caterwauling. I expect that now she'll comment that her suit was 'dusty rose' or some other girl color - they do that to make us guys look stupid - but it doesn't matter, it looked good.

We shared wonderful conversation over mexican food, and then she treated me to my first ever Starbucks. I'm such a peasant, I ordered a coffee.

Good times. I tell you, blogging is the best thing this ol' internet stalker ever got into.

Posted by Ted at 07:08 AM | Comments (2)

February 03, 2004

Leaving Comments

I find myself deleting a lot of half-finished comments on other people's blogs. Or considering a response, only to censor myself for being too nitpicky, ornery or trite. I still try to comment everywhere I visit at least once in a while, if nothing else to show that I've been there and reading.

Do you do that?

Posted by Ted at 02:15 PM | Comments (12)

January 31, 2004

This is getting to be a bad habit

The Dallas Stars beat the San Jose Sharks last night 3-1, which is something like their twelfth win in the last 15 games between the two teams.

So in keeping with the rules of our Inter-Munuviana Hockey Whoopass Jamboree, the Dallas Stars logo will be displayed up top in my banner for a day or so.

Congrats Helen.

Posted by Ted at 12:16 PM | Comments (1)

January 24, 2004

Blog Meet

I got the chance to meet SilverBlue, PoloRandy, Tink and Roxette Bunny this afternoon when they wandered northwards into my neck of the woods. I felt like I was getting back together with old friends, and we spent an hour talking about anything and everything. What was especially fun was to watch these four interact like the family unit they are.

Roxette Bunny was not as tall as I had imagined. And if I may be non-politically correct ungentlemanly for a moment, Tink is a real cutie! *wolf whistle*

PoloRandy and Tink had tickets to a basketball game and had to leave, but John and I walked and talked our way through Potomac Mills mall for awhile longer before I had to say adios.

A lot of bloggers do their thing because they have opinions to share, or they want to improve their writing. For me, today was what it's all about, it's the people I meet online and the friendships that grow there. For me, blogging is all about you. Thanks for stopping by my friends, and I hope you come back again soon.

Posted by Ted at 06:04 PM | Comments (4)

January 14, 2004

Inter-Munuvian Hockey Whoopass Jamboree

Congrats to Helen and her Dallas Stars, who defeated my beloved San Jose Sharks last night 3-zip. In accordance with our informal bet for the season, the Stars logo will be displayed up top for a day or so.

Posted by Ted at 04:53 AM | Comments (1)

January 05, 2004

The pissing contest ends here

I was wondering whether or not to respond here to The Bartender or not, and had basically decided to leave it alone. I’ve got no problem with someone vehemently disagreeing with my opinion, but he’s made it personal on his blog.

As he mentioned in the comments here, we had a private email exchange where we were talking about various points in my first post. It was friendly enough, although when someone warns me up front that they’re going to be sarcastic and then closes by telling me they’d better end it before they get really ‘shitty’ about it, well, that fits my definition of ‘incensed’.

I thought that bit about Tijuana was funny. After seeing it labeled ‘that little punch’ by Madfish, I carefully reread it. Sorry guy, I still think it’s funny, and I think you need to take the chip off your shoulder and work on your sense of humor.

Apparently I also didn’t include enough disclaimers about “this is my opinion”, or “to my eye”, or “this means nothing more than what you want it to”, because The Bartender took every bit of it personally.

I visit all the Mu.Nu blogs at least once a day. I consider that the least I can do as part of the Munuvian family. All families have occasional strife, and sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.

It’s a big internet Bartender, enjoy it. I am. 'nuff said.

Update: my original post is here, and the followup is here.

Posted by Ted at 01:39 PM | Comments (4)

January 03, 2004

Style vs Substance revisited

There were some interesting comments left over my previous post about blog designs, and some excellent debate via email*.

Madfish Willie and others asked about my thoughts on color in blog design. Without going into a lot of theory about color and how to use it, I'll just mention a few personal opinions and invite your views.

Exceptions can always be found. If I said that blue should never be used in a blog, someone would point out that blue looks quite nice here.

White is cold and sterile, which is good for serious blogs or professional business sites. It makes for a crisp look, and is easily dressed up with a few small graphics and goes with any contrasting color.

Black is the other extreme, and like white any color can be used for contrast. A little more care should be taken here though because using too many bright colors turns the look into something resembling a Lite Bright, which is hard on the eyes.

In both of the above cases, I feel that using an off-color of white or black is often more effective. An extrememly light dove grey or deep charcoal is more interesting, even if it's not instantly obvious to the eye. As an example, when we painted the master bedroom in our home, I used the palest grey I could find on the walls. You couldn't even tell it wasn't white until I painted the window trim and closet doors pure white. The contrast was remarkable.

And that pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. Less is more and subtle is better.

That said, it is possible to go too soft on the colors. I'll use our home again as an example, this time the kitchen. My wife picked out a very nice wallpaper full of grey-blue and grey-green. Plenty of color without being too dark or gloomy. There were also small bits of pink in the wallpaper, which I decided to use as the highlight color. My wife freaked out when she saw the paint I brought home for the trim in the kitchen, because it was bright bubblegum pink. It was just enough to jump out and catch the eye as a highlight color. Too much of it would make the room look like an explosion in a pepto-bismol factory.

My blog is another example of how I do this. Mostly soft grey and green, but the blues used for the date line and the banner up top are both pretty bright for contrast. Imagine those same blues (and the reds I use for links) on a straight white background. The page would look entirely different.

To my eye, pastels are easier to look at. Even bright colors like yellow and orange should be softened, especially if they're the primary color. Mookie did that on her blog, imagine the difference if she would have used a bright yellow or purple in her color scheme.

Contrast is important, and there are two ways to get it. First is by light on dark - black on white is the most obvious example, but white on dark grey, or dark blue on light blue work well. The second way is by colors - yellow on blue or brown on light grey - the idea in all cases is to make it easy for the eye to distinguish between design elements.

I've always heard that dark green is the most restful color for human eyes, but I've never been able to make it work as an effective background color. And just because this is Rocket Jones, I'll mention that according to government studies, the best visibility is obtained for rockets when painted black, white and red in large areas.

So there it is. I'm pulling on my flame-proof overalls, so feel free to let me have it in the comments.

* Madfish Willie was rather incensed by my opinions, but being men of the world we agreed to settle our differences the next time we're both in Tijuanna. We're going to meet at Rosarita's Cantina for lunch and the pony floorshow, followed by a switchblade duel to first blood. I expect we'll have enough tequila in our systems that the duel ends up in a draw, both of us managing to cut ourselves with our own knifes while trying to impress the working girls.

Posted by Ted at 12:30 PM | Comments (13)

December 28, 2003

Style vs Substance

What follows are some personal thoughts about blog design. My opinions carry no weight except what you give them, and it doesn't mean anything if you agree or disagree.

If I mention someone by name, no personal insult is intended, neither is any perceived sucking up.

I've been working with computers for a long time. I've sat down and punched many a deck of the old IBM cards (do not fold, spindle, or mutilate). Most of my experience has been on the big monstrous mainframe computers, which are no longer all that big or monstrous. They just seem that way compared to the PC's of today.

People today are spoiled by PC's. They are incredibly flexible and powerful. My users can't understand why I can't change fonts in the middle of printed output from our mainframe. They can't grasp the complete and total control you've gained thanks to Apple and Microsoft. And they don't understand how little of that flexibility has migrated upwards to the big boys.

I remember the days when monitors were green letters on a black background, or amber letters on black. It was a huge day when we got monitors and software that allowed us eight whole colors! Geeks doing the happy dance, not a pretty thing to see.

But that giant leap for pocket-protector-kind also hammered home a lesson we'd all learned without realizing it. We instantly became color-crazed, highlighting and underscoring and color coding, and our screens looked like something out of an acid-trip flashback. They were so loud and garish that the information on them was lost in the background. It took us a while to figure that out.

I used to train new programmers, and one of the things I would do is give them the specs to a new screen and function to do - their first ever using color. This was actual work that would be incorporated into our systems, but never anything that we needed in a hurry. Inevitably, what came back would sear your brain and make you want to claw out your eyeballs. And I would go over the nightmare with them, showing them where color worked, and where it didn't, and what to do and what not to do.

The most important thing is the information, not the way it's presented.

That sentence above is the point I've been meandering towards. Take a look at the blogs by Rachel Lucas or Bill Whittle or Instapundit, and what you might not immediately notice is their crisp clean style. Their blog designs manage to be distinctive and attractive without getting in the way of the content. And that is what we should all be striving for.

That doesn't mean your blog design has to be sterile. Check out Candy Universe for an outstanding example of balancing an eye-catching design with easy readability. Remember, these are personal opinions, I know some folks don't like light text on a dark background. I'm talking about the whole here, not details.

On the other end of the spectrum (opinion alert!) are Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon and Snooze Button Dreams and Tiger: Raggin' and Rantin', to name three I'm most familiar with. Each has different things that make their designs less than successful to me.

Madfish Willie takes every toy, gimcrack and script trick he can find and incorporates it into his blog design. He's a fountain of good information, but I find that the content of his site gets lost in the bells and whistles. I can't even load his blog from work (at lunchtime) because the firewall times out waiting for all the doodads to load. To me, it's too much.

Snooze Button Dreams is approaching that point as well, but seems to be more low-key about it. He knows way more about this stuff than I do, but it seems like he's constantly trying to tweak his latest script so that it works for everyone regardless of browser or version. His blog is rapidly approaching the point where it won't load in a reasonable time either.

Tiger's design is... just... too much of everything. I can't really pin down any one or two things, but there's just so much happening text-wise that it's difficult to read. Once I'd learned his format it became easier to focus on his posts, but someone visiting your blog shouldn't have to learn how to work around the design to get to the good stuff.

I still read these blogs every day, but when you're trying to entice folks to plan a return visit it just makes sense to make it as easy as possible for the visitor. Don't let the content get lost in the design of your blog.

Update: To clarify my thoughts about Snooze Button Dreams, Jim has stayed very close to a standard template with a simple design. The problems I'm having with his site (and I admit I don't understand the 'why' of it) is in the numerous scripts that he runs in the background (Java?). Check out his blogroll for instance, you click on one category to expand it. Very nifty, but it has to reload each time I access his site, and the firewall is fussing about it. My solution is to wait until I get home to check out his site, I do the same for Madfish Willie's. I really like his proposed designs, especially this one.

Posted by Ted at 12:56 PM | Comments (28)

December 04, 2003

I'm still not going to stop and ask directions

Kudos to fellow Munuvian Simon for the link to the Blogosphere map of Munuviana (aka Munuvia)!!! Tres cool. I suspect that if Simon had anything to do with it, our inclusion involved the promise of crocodile-skin boots and/or HK hookers in rugby shirts. He seems like a guy who can solve multiple problems with one fell swoop.

Update: Pixy has informed me that Susie is the one who led the coup. All hail the Mater Cartographica!

Posted by Ted at 09:38 AM | Comments (2)

December 03, 2003

BestOfMe Symphony

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams has a neat new gig going on. Follow this link for full details, but here's a brief:

This post compilation meme is structured like the Carnival of the Vanities but concentrates on the best posts from the history of weblogs. Post submission criteria are very simple. The post must be at least 2 months old and the submitter must think it is a very good post. How easy is that?

Posted by Ted at 05:28 AM | Comments (1)

November 29, 2003


I was jes' chillin' last night and caught an interesting program on TV. Listed as Bram Stoker's Burial of the Rats, it stared Adrienne Barbeau and lots and lots of other scantily clad ladies. And rats. Although they're not treated all that kindly (there are a couple of rat deaths), they are an integral part of the story. Did I mention scantily clad ladies? We're talking serious leather bikini's and topless dancing. And rats. And scantily clad ladies.

It was on the Showtime Beyond channel, Victor.

Posted by Ted at 07:53 AM | Comments (6)

November 27, 2003

Giving Thanks

Today and every day, I'm thankful for all of my online friends and visitors who stop by. Your comments and encouragement mean more to us than you know. I also appreciate the time and effort you put in when you post to your own blogs. Reading you is like visiting with friends.

The blogosphere is an inside-out universe, where we can pour out our hearts and souls for all to see, writing things we wouldn't dream of saying to friends at work or church. Yet for all this honesty, the most common external details of our lives are hidden from each other. I may have a good idea of your fears and hot-buttons, even of your kinks, yet I don't have a clue as to what kind of car you drive or what your voice sounds like.

I'm richer for having known all of you. Thank you, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Posted by Ted at 08:03 AM | Comments (5)

November 25, 2003

It takes a village to raise a child

And y'all are letting me down! Mookie started her 'Dead Guy of the Day' posts, and so far she's only gotten a couple of comments about being a troubled child. Heck, I already knew that.

So the parenting gene kicked in (translation: my wife told me I'd better deal with my child), and I'm steering her morbid sense of humor towards a quest to learn more about capital punishment and the debate surrounding the issue. Hence the recent descriptions about methods of execution and even a little bit about her personal feelings on the subject.

Which is more than you folks are doing. C'mon people, in modern society everyone else is responsible, so if she grows up sick and twisted then she's a chip off the ol' block it's your fault too!

While you're there, engage her by leaving thoughtful comments. Challenge her, make her think. And don't forget to give her hell about her spelling and grammar too. Heaven knows she doesn't listen to me anymore, and lately that frightens me.

Posted by Ted at 09:57 AM | Comments (2)

November 23, 2003

Don't worry, he won't bite

Say hello to Goddard the Rocket Dog up there at the top.

At least, Goddard is what I'm leaning towards right now. Do you have a suggested name for our intrepid canine? If you do, leave it in the comments.

Posted by Ted at 02:14 PM | Comments (12)

November 14, 2003

Sore Loser Good Sport

As agreed, I've posted the St. Louis Blues logo at the top of my page since they beat my San Jose Sharks last night in overtime.

Congrats Heather!

Posted by Ted at 11:53 AM | Comments (1)

November 09, 2003

Collins and the Challenge

Well, it must be the Geritol clean living curse of satan (screw you prince of darkness, I'm too pissed to capitalize your freakin' name), because today the Oakland Raiders actually almost looked like a professional football team. They beat rolled over like a dead dog against the Jets.

I'm going to eat a heapin' helping of crow now, and post my Jets Raiders jokes. I said I'd rework them where possible, so the second part will be the ones that just can't be changed because they're too Jet-specific. Yeah, I'm still slamming them some, because they still suck. Just not as bad as the Raiders.

God invented the Raiders so Cincinnati fans would have someone to make fun of.

Bill’s toe was invited to the Raiders training camp next year. It’s already the right color.

They considered playing some Raiders home games in Puerto Rico next year, but the Puerto Ricans said they didn’t need pro football that bad. Raiders fans suggested Vieques. During the shelling.

The Raiders are to football what Marc Gastineau was to sportsmanship.
And modern dance, come to think of it.

The Raiders play like they’re channeling Linda Lovelace.

Al Davis felt the need for a change, so he hired Barry Manilow to write a new fight song. They didn’t use the song, but fit him for a uniform in an effort to toughen up the defense.

There’s three things you can count on from the Raiders this year. First, they suck. After that first thing, who cares what the other two are?

And their cheerleaders, jeez. They look like a cross between the tackling dummy and Carol Doda.

I mean, if the dumbest half of the Jets cheerleaders joined the Raiders squad, the average IQ of both groups would go up.

It’s just a rumor that President Bush has given the Air Force permission to shoot down the Raiders team plane in the interests of “National Dignity”.

After the disaster that this season has been, Coach Callahan is concerned that his career is over. Word is that he’s currently in talks with Madonna.

Last year to this year - there hasn’t been that big a dropoff since the last two minutes of Thelma and Louise.

The Raiders are trying a new slogan this year: “Homeless America’s Team”

The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team offered to redesign the Raider uniforms, but backed out after discovering that ‘tight end’, ‘split end’, and ‘wide receiver’ were football positions and not job descriptions. Several players were reportedly disappointed. And embarrassed, because they thought the same thing.

Of course it’s spelled differently, but did you know that the phrase ‘Oakland Raiders’ is phonetically the same as the French words for ‘fight to the last man’?

Gannon might become the new spokesman for AARP. I guess Bill will have to look for a new gig.

Part of the problem with the Raiders offense is that, after watching the coaches diagram a play, half the team doesn’t know if they’re supposed to be the hugs or the kisses.

The Raiders are positioning themselves to be the dominant team in that new league starting next year – the AARPFL.

Jets Jokes (and personal attacks against John Collins)

They took x-rays. Collins is not playing with a corked head.

Admit it. You miss Pete Carroll.

What exactly do you call that color? Sea green, putrid green, gan-green? The last time I saw that color, I was changing a baby diaper.

The waiting list for season tickets is long, but look at the bright side John. It’s probably like the New York voter registration, and half those folks are already deceased.

Collins bitched about having to pay to be on the waiting list for Jets season tickets. But look at how much money he's saved not having to buy Super Bowl tickets for the last 35 years.

While interviewing Vinnie Testaverde’s new girlfriend, she shyly admitted that she thought she’d have to be an archeologist in order to see a bone that old.

Face it, things can’t be going well when four of your best players leave to join the Redskins. That’s as bad as having your lifeboat rescued – by the Titanic.

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey, helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I am desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave,and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out,the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march downfield stop at the 30,and kick a field goal.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar,and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

Joe Namath proved that you can wear panty-hose and still be a man. John proves that all over again each and every day.

Remember that ditch they dug in front of John’s driveway? It was actually a 4” wide trench, but when you’re a Jets fan, every obstacle seems insurmountable.

I know exactly what that feels like.

Posted by Ted at 08:36 PM | Comments (5)

November 06, 2003

(not) completely forgotten

Collins had set up a challenge before going haitian he disappeared. Details are here, but basically each week if his beloved Jets won the game then he would rag the other team and designated fan or vice versa, and links would be provided.

It went according to plan for exactly one week, when Rob of Left & Right treated John like a red-headed stepchild. Then life got interesting for John, and the challenge went by the wayside.

Everyone seemed to just let it lie, but I already had some killer jokes prepared for him. I was confident then, before the Raiders started looking like a team in the new AARPFL. So on sunday, I'm going to watch the game, and if the Raiders beat the Jets, I'm going to slam Collins and his Jets according to the original plan. And if the Jets whup the Raiders, well, I'll rework the jokes where possible and do my drunken mick impersonation, showing no mercy to the Black & Silver.

Bill, Wind Rider, Paul or anyone else who talks to John occasionally, point him this way next chance he gets. I'm thinking about him.

Posted by Ted at 09:58 AM | Comments (5)

October 27, 2003

My monthly quiz quota fulfilled

I seldom bother with the quizzes, but the bartender has asked that we take this one and post the results. Here ya go:

Congratulations on being manly (if you're a man), but you know you can get just as drunk on shots without drinking so much, don't you?
Congratulations!! You're a tall glass of nice cold

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Ted at 02:32 PM | Comments (2)

October 26, 2003

Zulu time

As part of the international Munuvian community, I've decided to change my date and time stamp to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), also called 'zulu' time. If everyone Mu does this, then all the Munuviana posters will be synchronized, regardless of their local time zones. If not, then oh well, it's not a big deal, and I may change back. Susie did it too, and there's more about zulu time here and here.

Posted by Ted at 01:30 PM | Comments (2)

October 24, 2003

Tour de Munuviana

Daniel said he hoped this would become a regular feature. The rest of you rolled your eyes and said “ohmigod no” under your breath. This is what happens when you don’t speak up.

Jennifer interviewed Daniel. Due respect guy, but half the questions gave you the chance to strut your stuff and instead you went all 90’s touchy-feely with it. You don’t have to impress the ladies with your intelligence, because they already knew that, and we know they knew that because the other half of the questions basically translate to ‘how horny are you?’ except for one ‘how well hung are you?’ question.

Things definitely took a turn towards Eros this week as Jen posted about beastiality and Helen discussed hair care and the law of diminishing cleavage. Which reminds me of a joke:

Q: Why don’t women wear shorter skirts?
A: Because they’d need two hair-do’s.

Hey, I promised last time that Jim would get top billing. Life lesson Jim. Never trust anyone except members of the federal government.

(I’m contractually obligated by the IRS to include that last statement in personal correspondence once a day. But by 2008, my back taxes will be paid off and I can tell them to never trust anyone except members of the federal government.)

Jim pronounces creek correctly too.

Then we have Don of Anger Management. I’ve been trying to figure him out for a while now, and just when I think I’ve got it, he goes and writes something brilliant and off-the-wall. Psst Daniel, I think Don asked the ‘shoe size’ question.

New fish bloggers: Simon, Tom, Chuck, and Willie, let the vicious backstabbing attacks begin please let me welcome you. I look forward to getting to know you. What national flag would you fly? Yes, that’s a real question and it does make sense and I do want an answer. Thank you. (I already heard from Simon. Tom, Chuck and Willie, I assume U.S. – but let me know, mm’k?)

Tiger, I don’t get it. Sorry.

Heather points out a link-o-rama where you can see pictures all of the various lady bloggers you read. She also talks about mustard, rants a little about Peta and their transparent concern for your waistline, and gets serious about the new nuclear reality.

Helen, all I can say is that although a little introspection is good, it’s easy to get too deep into what it all means. I'm just sayin', ya know?

Stevie talks about cows. Frequently.

Mr. Green doesn’t post often, but when he does it’s worth reading. Chicks dig him too.

LeeAnn gets a new job. With all the talk of raises and knees, maybe I should have put this up with Jennifer and Helen. She also observes a practical physics lesson.

Mookie is heavily indebted to mom and I for getting her the new Barenaked Ladies CD. She celebrates with nightmares (actually it sounds a lot like my life – thanks) and blood sport.

Victor scores big points about fools and consequences, before going into shock. He’s been good about displaying the winner’s logo in our inter-Munuvian hockey whoopass jamboree.

Cherry is the quiet sort.

Tim’s been quiet too. Busy people with real lives. What a concept.

Tuning Spork gets the debate going with his posts about the best position players in baseball in various era’s.

Over at Practical Penumbra, Susie is trying to rally folks to prevent the League of Liberals from claiming victory with a post about the evils of capitalism. Huh? When did they add a category for theater of the absurd?

She’s over at Munuviana doing the same thing. Pixy chips in too.

Pixy has a scientifical mind, which allows him to creatifically thinkerize and edumacate us downside-uppers in “The Way The World Works”. Pay attention to him.

Werd. (still attempting to boost street cred)

Posted by Ted at 09:09 AM | Comments (15)

October 21, 2003

I needed this

Grand-Mu Pixy Misa over at Ambient Irony has posted the funniest thing I've read in a long long time. Make sure you click the links.

Posted by Ted at 07:56 AM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2003

Tour de Munuviana

When I do Rocketing Around the Blogosphere, I tend to link non-Munuvians. Thanks to Victor (again!) for the inspiration, I'll start doing an occasional post like this that is mainly, but not necessarily exclusively, Munuvian.

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. We've got trolls! Mr. Green had the first run-in with one JadeGold and soon many Munuvians were involved. Rather than try to make sense of the running battle, I'll just link to a few and let you sort it out for yourself. Lots of non-Munuvians on the link list at Heathers place too. They've also set up the Gold Enclave of Privileged Capitalists, complete with graphics supplied by Jennifer and Cherry. Woot! (can a privileged capitalist say that?)

Later, Mookie got her own troll. I know the gentleman (notice I didn't say 'boy') in question, and I am not happy.

In other MookieNews, there are recent reports of not just one, but two many other Mookies out there! Be afraid. Also, just to embarrass her (which is one of my favorite parental perks), I'll announce now that although she was born in Landstuhl, Germany, Mookie was concieved in Luxembourg.

Victor attended the Tour of Hope ceremony this weekend. He posted some excellent pictures as well. If you haven't already, do go see.

Our resident Rat-meister also set up an informal wagering system for us Munuvian hockey fans. Losers must display the logo of the winner's team for a day.

Uber-traveler Lady H continues her globetrotting ways. She's in Atlanta, was there time or inclination to set up a visit with Daniel?

Pixy gets into an analysis of Cowboy Bebop, which is a famous Anime series. I always thought 'anime' was Japanese for 'crappy cartoon', but my opinion has changed some in the last year. I've seen a couple series where the story was so good that you forgot the quirks of Japanese animation. Unfortunately, I've also seen popular series (Trigun comes to mind) where my original opinion is just reinforced.

Nobody ever answered my question. What's the difference between Manga and Anime?

Susie gets my vote for best blog banner out there! She also thinks Daniel is adorable. Jennifer agrees, but says she knew it first.

Jen also claims that there is in fact water in Iowa. Sorry dear, that's not water, it's creamed corn.

Tuning Spork is still out there, because he leaves comments. But he's not posting much. My guess is it's the combination of the Cubs losing, beautiful fall weather, and idiotarians. Guess he picked the wrong day to quit smoking, eh?

Over at Chez Cheese, LeeAnn blogs about panty liners and the importance of accuracy. For some reason, I kept hearing those scenes from Memphis Belle in the background... "Steady... steady... right in the pickle barrel!" Make sure you read the comments, but don't touch the cars or you might set off the alarms.

Mmmmm. Carrot cake, courtesy of the official mascot of the Alliance.

Stevie never ceases to amaze me.

Anger Management's Don posted this link about the unedited communications when man landed on the moon. Priceless.

Jim, being the last kid picked when we chose up teams, gets this single solitary mention. Mainly because otherwise he'll get mad and take his blog home. Actually, it's just because I'm tired of all this linking. You're up at the top next time guys - for a small financial consideration - because I am part the Gold Enclave of Privileged Capitalists.

Posted by Ted at 06:01 PM | Comments (6)

October 13, 2003

Air Munuviana update

The basic airframe is done! Today I'm working on the electronics bay which will house the altimeter and safety switch. I'm building light but strong, so the main body tube is cardboard, the nosecone is plastic, and the fins are 1/8" birch plywood. The adhesive throughout is good ol' fashioned Elmers yellow carpenter glue, which is plenty strong enough for this rocket.

She's a sleek little sweetie, there's a picture in the extended entry. That's a 3.5" diskette on the ground next to her for scale.


Posted by Ted at 01:34 PM | Comments (3)

October 09, 2003

Air Munuviana

I've been promising previews of the decals and logos for our community-inspired rocket. The description and main decal pages are in draft form, and should be ready to post today or tomorrow, and I think I've got a surprise or three for you.

In the meantime, here's the Logo that will run up the side of the rocket. I hope you like it.


Posted by Ted at 07:49 AM | Comments (4)

October 08, 2003

Collins found

Spork, you work in a printing plant. Something else Collins could probably use is a stack of 'Get Out Of Jail Free' cards. Maybe you can put that adhesive along one edge and make a whole pad of them, so he can just pull one off whenever he's arrested.

Good idea checking the police blotters, but I bet it was a bitch finding the right John Collins.

Seriously though, good job Bill, Michele, Stevie, Paul, Susie, Jen, and everyone else who helped track him down. My apologies if I've forgotten anyone.

Posted by Ted at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)

October 02, 2003

Immanent boobage

Do some good with that stack of folded Georges, gentlemen.

The second annual Blogger Boobie-thon is underway. Billed as "the charity drive that gives you a little something in return", monetary donations are being accepted for research into breast cancer. Pictorial donations are being posted on the photos page. Yes, it's for real.

Guys, explain to a stripper why she's not getting a tip from you and she just might flash you a freebie for being such a sweetie.

There has been some speculation about 'the picture' that Jennifer sent to me and nobody else. Since this is for a good cause and all...

If you promise you'll go visit and donate, then I'll let you have a peek at some genuine Munuvian erotica.


Posted by Ted at 07:37 AM | Comments (1)

Trick or treat

I know what Victor and Nic are giving out Halloween night.

Posted by Ted at 06:28 AM | Comments (1)

September 28, 2003

Happy Birthday Victor

Have a great one!

Posted by Ted at 01:44 AM | Comments (1)

September 22, 2003

Safe and sound

John and crew have reported in. All's well in the land of SilverBlue, meaning nobody was hurt. They had a much rougher time of it than we did, that's for sure.

Posted by Ted at 11:13 AM | Comments (1)

September 19, 2003

Happy Birthday

Not just another Munuvian, but the King Munuvian himself, celebrates his birthday on the 20th.

Happy Birthday Pixy Misa, and thanks for everything you've done. Here's hoping you have a great day!

A special tagline just for you:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

Posted by Ted at 08:03 PM | Comments (4)

After-Action Report

Here’s a wrapup of our little corner of Isabellaville.

My wife was supposed to go in to work today at noon, and we expected the worst part of the trip to be getting out of our neighborhood to the main roads. She works for an optometrist in Manassas (~20 miles away), and the doctor called this morning to report that she had no power. Don’t bother coming in unless she calls. Good deal.

I called my dentist to check on the situation there (very local). No problemo, see you at noon. Woot!

The extent of our problems around the house was two upstairs windows directly facing the wind were accumulating some water inside the window sill. I carried two sopping wet towels downstairs this morning. That’s it, except for some raking and sweeping outside.

Normally, an inch of rain here causes some basement flooding. What happens is that the rain soaks into the ground and runs downhill to the creek which is behind our houses. There’s a thick layer of clay a couple of feet down which keeps the rain from deep soaking so the water winds up flowing under and around our row of townhouses. When it gets to where the water can’t drain fast enough, it comes up into our basement between the slab and the foundation. We’ve lived in this house now for almost 15 years and I cannot prevent the flooding, but I can minimize it and control where it happens. I’ve got it to where any water we get soaks a small corner of my workshop. I can keep up with it with towels and a wet vac, no problem. All the important stuff is already up off the floor.

So we got way more than an inch, and I expected to be in bad shape, flood-wise. Instead, we got not a drop. What I think happened this time is that the rain fell so fast that it didn’t have time to soak in very much, and most of it drained as surface runoff, for which we’re very well prepared. Whew!

Update (this section):
We just heard from my sister-in-law. Her mother-in-law (my brother-in-laws mom) has a beautiful piece of property in Baltimore harbor, surrounded on three sides by water. It’s the core of their whole extended family, because everyone picnics there and keeps their boats there and fishes from there, etc. They’ve flooded before, you kinda expect it living that close to the water. But this time, everything is pretty much destroyed or under water. It's just wiped clean. Nobody was hurt, but they lost every last bit of everything they owned. No flood insurance either, because living where they did, they couldn't afford the premiums, and the coverage was exteremely limited.

So yeah, I’m counting my blessings this morning, because this storm was absolutely zip for me personally, but I know that it could’ve been much much worse.

Much of old-town Alexandria is underwater, but cleanup is already going on as waters recede. Of course, the worst of the flooding happens tomorrow and Monday when all that rain from the west comes down the rivers towards the bay.

Anyone hearing anything at all from John, Tink and crew, or WindRider, Bill, and the rest of the Virginia Beach gang? It sounds like Kevin and Victor and Nic are doing fine. Think good thoughts folks, it ain’t over for everyone.

Posted by Ted at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)

All over but the shoutin'

We - personally - dodged a major bullet with this one.

No more major trees down in the immediate vicinity.

We lost electricity for a short time early this morning. NOVEC rocks!

To the north, Fairfax county lost power to it's water treatment plants, so folks have to boil their tap water before using. I think people are going door-to-door to pass the word because they still have widespread power outtages.

Update: Loudon county is also having water problems, as is the city of Alexandria. Now they're telling folks to drink bottled water, because natural gas has been turned off in areas around the counties.

Flooding is still our biggest worry, but we're sitting up pretty high that I'm not too concerned. Our basement stayed dry. Wonder of wonders. I estimate somewhere around 6" of rain fell. It's true people, prepare for the worst, and it won't happen to you.

More later. Gonna go take a walk.

Posted by Ted at 07:45 AM | Comments (1)

September 18, 2003


Federal Government closed tomorrow.

First fatality reported. A car in Anne Arundel county was swept away by floodwaters.

I took a walk around the neighborhood and things are looking ok. We're about two hours from the eye band, and between the smaller rain bands. It's windy, but mostly dry for the moment. Lots of little branches down, but no more big ones that I could see.

Posted by Ted at 07:57 PM | Comments (0)

I wonder why

By now, we've all seen the hurricane coverage, and I got to wondering about those two red and black flags they keep using as the background graphic. Read all about it here.

I love international standards. But if it were "Ted's Universe", the flag symbol for Hurricane would the the 'T' and 'F' flags.

Tango Foxtrot.

Update: The news has just reported a possible Coast Guard rescue attempt in the Outer Banks. Apparently, three people in a car are stranded on an island ordered evacuated a couple of days ago. Instead of a rescue, why not let nature winnow the herd by a few idiots.

Also, despite Metro announcing that they would suspend service at 11am this morning (which prompted the Federal Government to close for the day), there are still oblivious fools who didn't get the word. One old man stranded downtown smiled at the camera and said he'd walk home after work. "About an hour," he said. In a hurricane. Is it mean to think that it'd be fun to attach a GPS tracker to him and watch his hike on screen? I wonder which direction he lives in, the wind could shorten his trip to 20 minutes.

Posted by Ted at 12:09 PM | Comments (2)

Uh oh

Eleven AM, and the news just announced almost a quarter million people without electricity in Virginia already... Isabel isn't quite ashore in North Carolina yet.

Mookie just let me know the school district is closed tomorrow. She's been a trooper helping out around here. To show how much I appreciated her help, I told her that her older brother and sister were adopted. She liked that a lot.

Posted by Ted at 11:00 AM | Comments (4)

September 15, 2003

New Blog Showcase

Daniel has an entry in the latest showcase, and it's a good one! Well, until the thin air of Mile High gets to him at the end.

Posted by Ted at 07:11 PM | Comments (3)

September 14, 2003

Happy birthday Jennifer

Have a wonderful day, Jen!

Posted by Ted at 07:53 AM | Comments (1)

September 09, 2003

Not Munu-News

Happy Birthday, Bill!!!

Go on over to his place and say nice things. He has to be out of town and work on his birthday.

Update: Paul over at Sanity's Edge is inviting one and all to tell their favorite Bill stories. Read, laugh, and reminisce with us.

Posted by Ted at 07:35 AM | Comments (0)

September 07, 2003



Visit her place and tell her 'happy birthday'.

Posted by Ted at 10:30 PM | Comments (1)
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