September 30, 2005

Sheep?!?!?! No, please. Anything but sheep.

You gotta love this:

Hello, my name is Vic...
(crowd): Hi, Vic!
...and I'm a vampire.

Vic has a problem. He's a young vampire (as vampire ages go) who only wants a reasonably normal life. But every time he gets a girlfriend, when things get hot and heavy he's overcome with bloodlust and winds up killing her.

The only thing to do is to join a 12-step program: Vampires Anonymous.

The first part of the process involved taking a battery of tests to develop a complete psychological and physical profile. At the end, the vampire is presented with an animal especially matched to provide an alternative to feeding on human blood.

So Vic gets sent to a small town in North Carolina, known for it's sheep farms. You can imagine the fuss when sheep start disappearing, and of course there are complications with the small town badasses and women troubles.

Things really go to hell when a corporate slayer shows up in town.

There are mildly gory scenes and blood (it's a vampire movie, whaddaya expect?), and some nice minor plotlines and running gags appearing throughout the story. The VA meetings are a riot. A good description would be Doc Hollywood with fangs.

I like this movie. It's a nice blend of comedy and vampires.

Posted by Ted at 04:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

September 29, 2005

Laugh out loud funny

Stolen entire from The Ministry of Minor Perfidy:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Thanks Johno, I needed that!

Posted by Ted at 04:49 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Did someone say juvenile? I am so there!

I can't even claim that it started innocently:


How about playing a round of "How Many Beers?" for the blog?

You know the drill, how many beers to bang the broads on the list. If you decline, we'll ridicule you. I'm just kidding, I totally understand if you want to bow out. Our type of humor is somewhat...juvenile.

Here's the list:

So yeah, I played. Click here if you want to see the list of ladies I was presented with and my answers. Jennifer played, and sparked tons of comments on her round o' potentials. Why not make me feel as loved?

Posted by Ted at 12:07 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Links


I was jamming some Earth, Wind & Fire the other day when the Kalimba Song came on. I've always loved the sound of the kalimba, and a quick google search turned up these instructions on building your own two-octive kalimba (rather inexpensively). I just might have to give this a go.

Posted by Ted at 06:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 28, 2005

I'd rather get sweaty with Richard Simmons

You must check out these actual Weight Watchers Recipe Cards from 1974. The accompanying commentary is priceless:

Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another.

One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word "fluffy" would help.

Oh, and eggs, too.

Major kudos to Sheila for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 05:33 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Hah! Dogette has nothing on me!!!

Over at Two Nervous Dogs, Dogette has redecorated again (behold the genius that is "Goth Undies of Despair"), and bemoans the fact that she's way early on her Halloween posting.

Never fear, m'dear. To make you feel better, I shall begin my Christmas posting at once, so that people shall gaze upon TND and exclaim, "why, she's positively last-minute!"

So, I begin with a song. A Christmas song from my youth. A song I remember playing often during the holiday's, from a scratched up LP of odd little ditty's with nary a baby Jesus in the lot.

Dear Senor Santa Clause
Dear Senor Santa Claus, I think I tell you what
I would like for Christmas, and I hope you won't forgot.
I only want a peso that I can have for mine
to get my senorita something for Christmastime.

I don't believe you read the card last Christmas that I sent.
You come to see the kids across the street and then you went.

Dear Senor Santa Claus, I think me understand.
Sometimes the toys all gone before you reach the Rio Grande.

Dear Senor Santa Claus, I tell you what I think.
I no got a stocking--I set out my piggy bank.
So please bring me a peso that I can have for mine
to get my senorita something for Christmastime.

On Christmas Eve I watched for you, and I no sleep a wink.
If I no get Lolita something, she feel sad I think.

So please, Senor Santa Claus,
this Christmas be so grand
if I get a peso to buy a ring for my Lolita's hand.

I don't know what I buy for her.
I think I buy a rose.
So she can wear it in her hair
Most everywhere she goes.

Please, Senor Santa Claus, this Christmas be so grand
if I get a peso to buy a ring for my Lolita's hand...

My online research claims that it was written by Elmo and Patty, but for the life of me I can't remember who sang the version I loved so much. The singer was male and sang the song straight (as in no goofy voices). Marty Robbins, maybe? Jim Reeves? Dunno.

Now if I can just find the words to "I'm the Happiest Christmas Tree"...

Posted by Ted at 04:25 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Waxing Lyrical

September 27, 2005

There's painful, and then there's painful

I am, of course, referring to baseball's pennant race in the National League West. You know, the division where the San Diego Padres stink on ice, which is only marginally better than the rest of the division, which just stinks. In fact, if this season's putrid San Francisco Giants squad sweeps their four game series with the Padres, they'll win the division.

Grant, of The McCovey Chronicles, describes it thusly:

In the `80s movie version of the 2005 NL West, the climax comes with a muscle-bound villain -- Dolph Lundgren? -- laying his opponent to waste, and leaving him for dead. Slowly, the Terminator-like beast rises from the ashes, and it starts lumbering after Dolph, who grits his teeth and mutters, "Why won't you just die?"

No, no, let's just switch this around. Instead of Dolph Lundgren and Arnold Schwarzenegger...let's see Ben Stein and Steve Buscemi. In fact, let's forget the penultimate fighting scene, and just make the last 15 minutes of the movie a single camera shot of two 90-year old people making love. One of them is going to finish first, but no one really wins.

It's sad. It's ugly. It's my beloved Giants. I'm not sure I'd want this to happen. I'm not like a Cubs fan, who perpetually believes that the ballclub will magically transform itself into a powerhouse just by being the least pathetic team in the division race. The winning team will still be tragically bad, and they'll get to display that wretchedness for a few games longer, instead of going home, licking wounds, and beating their heads against the wall in an attempt at self-inflicted amnesia.

Then again, you never know. Go Giants!

Posted by Ted at 12:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Earth to orbit is 90% of the effort

A successful test of space elevator hardware.

“We’re not a PowerPoint company anymore … we’re a hardware company.” -- Michael Laine, president of the LiftPort Group

In less than a month, NASA's Ames Research Center in California will host the First Annual Space Elevator Competition. Every day, the future gets closer to reality.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 12:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: SciTech Space Program

Flame-broiled Mudpies on Airbake pans

Well, not exactly. It's this week's edition of the Carnival of the Recipes, hosted by fellow Munuvian Triticale.

Posted by Ted at 05:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Recipes

I knew I was in trouble...

In this week's fantasy football matchup, I was behind in points with one game left to go, the Monday night matchup between the Chiefs and Broncos. I have tight end Tony Gonzales on my team, one of the best in the game. All I needed was a typical Tony-sized game, and I could squeak my way to victory.

Yeah right. I'm an Oakland Raiders fan, and there isn't any way that a Chiefs player is going to do me any favors. In fact, my phone rang at halftime:

Me: Hello?

Voice: Hi Ted. This is Tony Gonzales.

Me: What the hell are you doing out there? You're killing me, man.

Voice: I dropped those passes on purpose dude. You know, Chiefs rule, Raiders drool. *click*

Chiefs and Broncos... sheesh. I used to say that during games like that I'd be rooting for a sniper in the stands, but thanks to that idiot Malvo it ain't funny any more.

So anyways, all hail Brendoman, who whooped me this week. Good game, guy.

Posted by Ted at 04:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 26, 2005

Prom or Halloween, the versatility is breathtaking

In the extended entry (warning - indelicate language)

Are you crazy?  Those aren't *my* kids!

Posted by Ted at 06:42 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Does this make me a bad Republican?

I only eat ketchup on two things: tater tots and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Posted by Ted at 05:30 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Another Chance to Help

Victor is riding in the Lance Armstrong Tour of Hope for cancer research.

We've had multiple opportunities to contribute to worthy causes lately, but if you'd like to make a donation to help him meet his goal, here's his page.

Posted by Ted at 05:22 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Links

New Munuvians

I still maintain my sidebar links by hand, so it doesn't get updated as often as it should.

Stop by and say hello to:

The cool kids just got a little bit cooler.

Posted by Ted at 04:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 25, 2005

Lazy Sunday?

Not around here, but I've already wasted too much time on this virtual Lite-Brite. I always wanted one as a kid, but never managed to talk my parents into it. When we moved into this house, I finally understood why. We found those little plastic pegs in the oddest places for years afterwards.

Thanks to Camp HappyBadFun for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 09:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Helping Hand

Blame Bou, or maybe I'm just a helpful kind of guy, but vw bug of One Happy Dog Speaks will soon, with your participation, enjoy increased hits on her site from people who Google "plugging butts".

Go ahead, click and link, it's not dirty. Honest. Do it because everyone should be #1 for something on Google.

Posted by Ted at 08:59 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Two Pearls from the Orient

When the average person thinks about Japanese movies, they often think Godzilla (original title: Gojira). You might know that the horror movie The Ring (2002) is based on a 1998 Japanese film called Ringu, or that 1960's The Magnificent Seven was directly adapted from 1954's Shichinin no samurai (cowboys instead of samurai).

I recently had the opportunity to see two incredible films, neither of which involved creatures stomping Tokyo.

Onmyoji. Set in 18th century Japan, the main character is perhaps the greatest of the Onmyoji. Fortuneteller and astronomer, wizard and priest, these adepts were the guardians and monitors of the interface between the material and spiritual worlds. Beyond the swords and sorcery, this is an epic story of love, loyalty, friendship and the triumph of good over evil (although it's a very near thing). The movie is beautiful to look at, and the world it creates is alien to the western mind, yet the underlying rationale for everyone's actions are understandable in human terms. You'll have to pay attention, because the story has layers of meaning and several themes that weave in and out of the forefront of the tale. It's in Japanese with English subtitles, and if you don't mind that then I'd say that Onmyoji is a must see.

A while back, I saw a news item where opthamologists in India were petitioning the government to ban a certain horror movie. Apparently, donated organs are rare in India because the belief in reincarnation is widespread, and relatives wouldn't dream of sending their loved ones onto the next life minus parts. Especially acute is the shortage of corneas. The movie that the medical community wanted banned may have been this next one.

Jian Gui (literally: Seeing Ghosts, but released internationally as The Eye), was made by (I think) a Hong Kong filmmaker. This movie is one of those genuinely creepy films that scares you without grossing you out. In this one, a woman named Mun receives a cornea transplant which allows her to see. This turns out to be a mixed blessing, because she loses important parts of her life since she is now sighted, yet must relearn everything about the world around her - a world she only knows by touch. Again, because of the oriental slant on life (no pun intended), actions and situations are already vaguely strange, and the atmosphere and situations that come about build upon that unease to really amp up the chills. Mun begins to realize that some things she sees are invisible to others, and she's not sure if she's hallucinating or seeing ghosts that walk among us. Eventually, she comes to believe that she must discover the truth behind the donor of her corneas, and the visions become more disturbing as time goes by. The ending is just, wow.

So there you have it. One spiritual trip through feudal Japan, and one helluva chilling ride through east spooksville. You won't go wrong with either of these.

Posted by Ted at 01:14 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

September 24, 2005

City folks have to find an upstairs window

I've dreamed of doing this. I'm sure we all have.

Thanks to Dustbury for making my day.

Posted by Ted at 08:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Why cable was invented

Now where did I leave the remote?

Posted by Ted at 10:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 23, 2005

Hey, look who's in town! KILL HIM!!!!

I was watching the Weather Channel coverage of Hurricane Rita, and they've got a reporter located in Sulphur, Louisiana. He was saying that the eye would pass right over or just to the west of them, and another reporter mentioned that the guy was "four for four" this season.

Four hurricanes, four assignments, four times he's been right near where the eye comes ashore.

If Jeff Morrow ever visits your town, get the hell out.

Posted by Ted at 10:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

I'm not an economist

And thank goodness I'm not! Otherwise, folks would be bugging me to explain the goofy gas prices around here.

This morning, my wife called me on her way to work to let me know that a certain gas station in our area was priced at $2.54 a gallon. Across the street is another station that we occasionally use, priced at $2.59. Anticipating a rise in prices, I gassed up the truck at the cheaper place.

This afternoon my wife noticed that the first place had raised prices by a penny, to $2.55 a gallon. Meanwhile, all the way across the street, the other place jumped prices by twenty cents.

I haven't a clue. Maybe their distributor is sticking it to them and they're just passing along the price increase. I can believe that because their prices are insanely volatile compared to most brands in the area, and they're not always more expensive than everywhere else. But if they're trying to take advantage, they're the dumbest businessmen on the planet, because people remember stuff like that, and I'll bet that even when prices stabilize again their business will be down.

We tend to have cheap gas in this area compared to most. What's a gallon going for in your burg?

Posted by Ted at 08:03 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs


Had a minor dental emergency a couple of days ago that required a trip to see the dentist. I'm pleased to announce (as if anyone cares) that *my* dentist is back from maternity leave and I'm very very happy about that.

So anyways, things went good yesterday and I have a quick followup scheduled for this morning, after which I'll go in to work late and probably stay busy there until this evening (end of the fiscal year coming up fast, don't'cha know). I'll see y'all tomorrow, most likely.

If you see a guy with only half his face working, and a big string of bloody drool hanging off his chin, say hi. It ain't me, but he's probably having a bad day and could use a kind word.

Posted by Ted at 07:47 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 21, 2005


Liz got into this show when it started reruns last season, and has been telling me how good it is. She bought the first season on DVD when it came out, and we've been watching an episode as time allows. It's keeping my attention, and reminds me a little bit of David Lynch's Twin Peaks, without the random weirdness. I've learned to pay attention to the details, because everything happens for a reason, and as you watch you'll flash back on previous episodes with an "ah ha!" moment.

If you haven't seen the show, the premise is that some sixty people survive an airline wreck and wind up on a seemingly deserted island. Their flight was way off course when they crashed, so the search and rescue are looking for them in the wrong place. There are a dozen or so main characters, and each episode tells one of their stories along with their continuing tale of survival. Of course there are no 'normal' background stories here, presumably the rest of the survivors are the ho-hum people, not to mention that they make the perfect pool of victims if someone needs to be killed off.

There's plenty of mystery and oddness going on, and a sweet touch of horror. Ultimately though, it's about the people. I hope they can keep up the quality, because so far I'm enjoying it.

Posted by Ted at 05:14 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

September 20, 2005

New Banner

What'cha think?

Posted by Ted at 06:37 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Work Conversation*

Supervisor: What happened at the meeting?

Me: Bullshit.

Supervisor: No, really, I need more than that. Didn't you take notes?

Me (handing over a page and a half of meeting notes): Read for yourself.

Supervisor (reading carefully): What bullshit.

Me: Echo Echo.

*I made this up. Think of it as a composite of the last 100 meetings I've been to.

Posted by Ted at 06:18 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 19, 2005

New New Math

Specifically, a new way to do Trig.

Mathematics students have cause to celebrate. A University of New South Wales academic, Dr Norman Wildberger, has rewritten the arcane rules of trigonometry and eliminated sines, cosines and tangents from the trigonometric toolkit.

His book explaining the method is called Divine Proportions: Rational Trigonometry to Universal Geometry (not available at Amazon, yet).

Dr Wildberger has replaced traditional ideas of angles and distance with new concepts called "spread" and "quadrance".

These new concepts mean that trigonometric problems can be done with algebra," says Wildberger, an associate professor of mathematics at UNSW.

"Rational trigonometry replaces sines, cosines, tangents and a host of other trigonometric functions with elementary arithmetic."

This could revolutionize mathematics who knows where it could lead? Sometimes all that's needed is to look at something from a different vantage point to make exciting things happen.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 08:22 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Only because I have to

According to the rules of our Blogger Bowl fantasy football league, we're supposed to "talk smack". Being the quiet and nonconfrontational sort, I'm hesitant to do so, but since I beat one of last season's powerhouses this week, and since I outscored him despite the fact that my QB earned negative points for me, and since my final player doesn't even get counted until tonight's games, I'll do my best.

Dear Nick, You are my bitch. On toast.


My, that was fun!

Posted by Ted at 11:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Rocket Pictures

I'll put my launch report from last weekend's club launch up in the next couple of days, but Rich already has pictures up, including some very nice shots of rockets in flight. There are also one of me prepping the Barenaked Lady, and two very nice pics of it under thrust.

Posted by Ted at 05:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Rocketry

Like a caption contest on steroids

Derek of Son of Cheese has a new bit o' whimsy for all to play, called OMGWTFLOLLOL. He's posted a blank comic, and you supply the words!

My idea was to leave the balloons blank, because the characters are all mimes. I'm sure you can do better.

Posted by Ted at 05:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

In today's society we hear often about inclusion, so with that in mind, I'd like everyone to join me in song:

Kum-bah-yArrrr, me mateys! Kum-bah-yArrrrr!
Kum-bah-yArrrr, me mateys! Kum-bah-yArrrrr!
Kum-bah-yArrrr, me mateys! Kum-bah-yArrrrr!
Shiver me timbers, Kum-bah-yArrrrr!

Keel-haul the sinners, mates! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
Keel-haul the sinners, mates! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
Keel-haul the sinners, mates! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
Shiver me timbers, Kum-bah-yArrrrr!

There the beastie be! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
There the beastie be! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
There the beastie be! Kum-bah-yArrrr!
Shiver me timbers, Kum-bah-yArrrrr!

I'm sure a fine crew such as yourselves can add a verse to the tune, no?

Posted by Ted at 04:23 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 18, 2005

Big Lizards

Dafydd ab Hugh (how the heck is that pronounced?) has started his own blog, Big Lizards.

I first saw him guest posting at Captain's Quarters, and recognized the name from several Star Trek novels and other SciFi works he's written. Good read whether you agree with him or not, because he's always interesting and thought provoking.

Posted by Ted at 01:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Ear Candy

Podcasts I've recently listened to:

Ken & Squip Show - new!
Fred Garvin Male Prostitute and the Reverend Demize - funny stuff
Soccergirl Incorporated - something on her site freezes my PC, but I'm usually able to download at least one episode before crashing
Bleacher Guy Radio - sports, co-hosted by Off-Wing Opinion's Eric McErlain
Shire Network News - from the boys at Silent Running

Notice who's missing?

Blue's Simian Syndicate hasn't put anything new up for a while, but he's directly involved with the Katrina effort at work, so you can't fault him for having his priorities straight

Posted by Ted at 07:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 17, 2005

Me love you long time, slave

Thanks to Chris Hall for the pointer, (Buckethead, this is right up your alley).

NRA probes Japanese sex android. I like how they try to make this evil machine sound cute and innocent by calling her it a "cyberminx".

This is scary as hell. I'm heading to the drugstore right now, because when the real invasion begins, and folks realize just how deadly sex with a robot will be, there will be a run on KY, rubbers, and cheap wine. I'm stocking up now.

Adjust your survival kit inventories accordingly.

Posted by Ted at 10:15 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Fractions of a million served!

Hey, sometime last night Rocket Jones got its 250,000th visitor!!!

Kind of amazing, considering posts like the one above, eh?

Posted by Ted at 10:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Mascot finds new home

When baseball's Montreal Expos left town last year to become the Washington Nationals, they left behind their long-time mascot, Youppi!

This season, hockey's Montreal Canadiens have adopted Youppi! as their official mascot.

Ray Lalonde, the Canadiens marketing manager, said Youppi! is the first mascot in professional sports to move from one league to another.

"We always wondered what Youppi! would look like in a Habs sweater."

Yeah, Ray. That makes one of us.

Posted by Ted at 09:48 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Balls and Ice

September 16, 2005

Culinary Magic

Carnival of the Recipes, hosted this week by Trub, a beer brewer. Get some terrific ideas for this weekend.

Posted by Ted at 11:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Don't even bother denying it

Ignore the brilliant comedy for the moment and admit it, this brash and brassy redhead had some genuinely fine gams.

(click for super vitameatavegemin size)

Posted by Ted at 06:08 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

No pirates, but water is involved

The fixture in our bath/shower was ancient, and badly needed replacing. In addition, we'd developed a leak somewhere in the vicinity, so I went looking for a plumber.

The first place I called for an estimate informed me that they didn't do in-person estimates any more because of gas prices. I described the work to be done in detail, and their estimate consisted of telling me that they'd do the work for $150.00 an hour. Buh-bye.

Next on the list are the folks who installed our new air conditioner a couple of years ago. Good work and I trust them. They offered to have the guy come out, give a "job estimate" (instead of by the hour), for $75.00 and then if I was ok with the price he'd do the work right then, and the $75.00 would go towards the bill. I finally did decide on them, and yesterday was the day.

I can do basic, mechanical plumbing, but this job had the potential to become really ugly in a hurry, so I wanted a pro. He came in, heard my description, looked at things and gave a reasonable price. Not as good as I'd hoped, better than I was expecting, and within 10% of what I'd told Liz I thought it would cost.

While he was putting in the fixture, I was downstairs removing the ceiling in our living room coat closet, because it's right under the bath and the water had been dripping down. He looked around from underneath and did his plumbing magic and two hours later it was done.

Kinda. Now I have to retile the tub, or put in a shower enclosure, and if I'm going to do that then I might as well replace the bathtub, which means I should swap out the toilet so it matches, and the wall sink could be replaced with the pedistal kind, and since I'm going to all that trouble a new medicine cabinet would be nice, which means new electrical outlets and lighting fixtures, and I should go ahead and replace the ancient vent fan with a quiet new one...

Oh yeah, I've just started emptying my wallet on this one.

Posted by Ted at 05:12 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 15, 2005

Still wiping tears from my eyes

Truth or Dare in Middle Earth

Rodger owes me a keyboard.

Posted by Ted at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

"Get It Over With" Theater

The Big Chill, performed by bunnies, condensed to 30 seconds. (warning: bunnies have a potty mouth and do what you'd expect bunnies to do)

Plenty more classics to check out here too!

Thanks to Pete for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 08:25 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks


September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arrrr, ye scurvy dogs.

I be thinking of ordering one of these for meself.
It's unfortunate that rum makes me itch
Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirates life for me...

Posted by Ted at 07:15 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

"Bodacious Muchachas"

An article with the background story about an exhibit called "Mexotica" consisting of incredibly rare color pinup photos taken in Mexico in the 1950's.

Link provided by the same group that located the Spider Pool (my original posts here and here).

These links not safe for work.

Posted by Ted at 06:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 14, 2005


Michael King of Rambling's Journal is signing off.

Best of luck guy, I'm gonna miss my daily visit.

Posted by Ted at 08:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Atkins would approve

According to a study:

In a dramatic reversal of decades-old medical wisdom, the late Dr. Albert Rossum, director of the O'Bannon Institute For Postmortem Nutritional Studies, recommended an all-brain diet for zombies Tuesday.

The Onion has the full story.

Posted by Ted at 04:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

September 17th is US Constitution Day

This nifty site from the US Department of State contains translations of the US Constitution into Arabic, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish and simplified Chinese.

Educate a foreigner, it makes a nice change of pace from bombing, exploiting, killing, invading, occupying or oppressing them.

Seriously though, there are also links to historical discussions and versions of the document, including images of George Washington's printed copy with notes he made in the margins, and their page of reference links is absolutely amazing.

Posted by Ted at 12:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Dear Mr. SUV,

I'm sorry that it now costs you $180.00 every time you need to fill your gas tank, but that's the consequence of your decision to buy that oversized off-road vehicle for your daily commute on the interstate.

Just like your attempt to improve your gas milage by accellerating from zero to sixty in 6.3 weeks has a consequence - the rest of us think you're an asshole.

And get the hell out of the fast lane if you won't do at least the speed limit. Owning that monster makes you special all right, but 'special' has taken on a whole new meaning.

Posted by Ted at 06:06 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Good Idea

Via Mozongo News:

Electronics Boutique will offer in store game downloads for your Series 60 or Windows Smartphone via a Bluetooth kiosk that will recognize your Bluetooth enabled cell phone and prompt you for a paid download. Free media will begin being offered in December with the paid games beginning to be offered in January . . .

Not that I'd use the service, but the idea is a natural.

Posted by Ted at 05:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: SciTech


From the Ottawa Citizen (via Cream of the Crock):

That is not to say government has not failed. (Celebrities also underperformed, and Sean Penn should probably resign.)

Lots of good stuff to read at the Crock.

Posted by Ted at 05:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 13, 2005

A nitwit is a nitwit is a nitwit

The 20 Most Obnoxious Quotes About Hurricane Katrina.

Thanks to QandO for the pointer.

Posted by Ted at 09:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links


Comment number 5,400 was left by Tuning Spork. No great prize to hand out this time, amigo, just my thanks to you and everyone else who's helped make Rocket Jones a fun little corner of the net.

Posted by Ted at 08:14 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Catch a Falling Star and Put It In Your Pocket

Courtesy of Professor Chris Hall, we learn that the Japanese probe Hayabusa is about 12 miles from it's targeted asteroid. The plan is to land on it, collect samples, and bring 'em back to Earth.

Follow that link for details and related links.

Posted by Ted at 04:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Space Program

Movies on my "want to see" list

Ever read a movie synopsis that really reached out and grabbed you? Here are a few that I've noted. Some I've already seen, some I haven't.

Sore Losers - They wanted meat, so they ate the flower children! Hot rod juvenile delinguents and amazons from outer space have come to Memphis to kill hippies! As it were drained directly from the big throbbing vein of super 60's sexploitation movies, Sore Losers is an acid flashback thrill ride! Move over Quentin Tarentino, they don't make 'em like this anymore!

Now movies like this piss me off because I know that after reading that awesome description, I'm going to be disappointed. I set myself up for the heartbreak every time.

Stigma - Philip M. Thomas stars as Dr. Calvin Crosse, an ex-convict doctor just out of medical school. When Dr. Crosse returns home to his small New England town to set up a medical practice, things go drastically wrong. Long ago, the sheriff (Peter H. Clue) of the town infected Dr. Crosse’s wife with syphilis. The disease spread to their unborn daughter, and now an adult, and very contagious, the daughter (Josie Johnson) has been having group sex with the town’s young people in order to pay the old man back for his crimes. The doctor has to treat her victims and track down the disease’s source.

So what do you think? Convict movie? Medical drama? Crime thriller? Deviant sex expose? I'm hopeful on so many levels.

Pizza Wars - San Jose State professor Babak Sarrafan directed the comedy Pizza Wars. After freeing a genie (Elliott Peele) from a bong, brothers Cornelius (Omar Miller) and Scooter (Andy Sims) are granted the traditional three wishes. They transform the oregano in their family pizza recipe into marijuana. Business at the restaurant hits an all time high, arousing the jealousy of other pizzerias in the area that each fight back in their own unique style.

I own this one. It's odd but pretty darn funny. Kind of a modern, darker Cheech and Chong movie.

Shaker Run - With the accidental discovery of a lethal bio-agent at her research facility, Dr. Christine Ruben (Lisa Harrow) decides to double cross her own government by stealing the deadly formula to keep it out of the clutches of the military! To make her rendezvous with some confederates who promise to get her out of the country, she recruits daredevil driver Judd Pierson (Cliff Robertson) and his partner Casey Lee (Leif Garrett), who are down on their luck and take the job without knowing what they're getting into. Thus begins a wild thrill ride across scenic New Zealand with evil pursuers on the ground and in the air, and the fate of the human race in the trunk of the car.

Those evil New Zealander bastards, messing with lethal bio-agents. Good thing America had Cliff Robertson and Leif Garrett around... uh... Leif Garrett? And isn't New Zealand an island? If you wanted to get out of the country, wouldn't you want to hire a pilot instead? There'd better be some gratuitous nudity in this one, that's all I can say.

Run Virgin Run - A blacksmith in a remote mountain village services the local women to their complete satisfaction, but when he expresses his desire for a virgin they fear he will leave for the city. If they hope to keep him around they must find him a virgin.

I'm seriously thinking about a career change. Unless the virgin has a baby afterwards and it runs around bleating "da-a-a-a-a-a-d".

Graveyard Tramps - They'll love the very life out of your body! A powerful cosmic force is turning earth women into queen bees who kill men by wearing them out sexually. This wonderfully enjoyable, campy sci-fi film was called "A guilty pleasure" by Siskel and Ebert. This film is also known as "Invasion of the Bee Girls."

I was all hyped by this one, right up until the last line. Invasion of the Bee Girls? I already own it. *sigh*

It's good though!

Track of the Moon Beast - During a meteor storm, a fragment strikes Paul Carlson, burying itself deep in his skull. An unpleasant side-effect develops causing Paul to mutate into a giant reptilian monster at night and go on murderous rampages.

Don't you hate when that happens?

Angels: Hard as They Come - A band of schizo bikers meets a van of wasted hippies in a weird ghost town, and their mutual anarchy evolves into a free-form orgy. This biker movie glows with raw, primitive energy, rustic location shooting, a progressive rock score, and a group of the most unscrubbed characters you're ever likely to see. A fascinating 70's look at hippy culture vs. biker culture, the two groups seem originally destined for compatibility, with goal-less philosophy and wandering, nomadic lifestyle, but the disparity between the pacificism of the hips and impulsive, war-like misery of the alcoholic bikers soon erupts into all- out war symbolized by the rape/murder of a hippie chick. The stoned losers roll between angry despair and reckless bravado, ending in mutual impasse that reinforces their elemental hopelessness. This film powerfully discloses the disintegration of a culture that feeds on its own spiritual rootless ness. The verite camera style and the earthy realistic dialogue, along with generous doses of nudity and violence, make this a startling, disturbing ultimately haunting experience. Starring Gary Busey, Scott Glenn...

Aside from the title, which is straight out of hardcore porn, the producer obviously spent a good bit of the budget on a writer for that blurb. Or maybe he knew an aspiring writer. Or a psychology student. Anyways, get past the "angry despair and reckless bravado" and "elemental hopelessness" nonsense, and the important part to remember is naked chicks. Gary Busey's appearance here is proof positive that there was brain damage done in his helmetless motorcycle accident. And Scott Glenn? Leif Garrett must've been busy.

Inbred Rednecks - Get ready for a cockfightin’, beer-drinkin’, ass-whoopin’ good time! This outrageous comedy is the winner of three individual awards, including Hollywood Online’s Top Underground Film of 1998! Billy Bob, Clovis and Bubba have a dream: to strike it rich cockfighting their enormous rooster, cleverly named Bigass Rooster, across North Carolina and Tennessee. But when they defeat the villainous Monty, the enraged redneck and his bumbling thugs decide to steal Bigass, earning some quick dough and beloved revenge at once.

Enhance your viewing experience by wearing a sweaty wife-beater t-shirt and three-day stubble. Now shut yer yap and fetch me a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yep. Fo' sho'.

Cornman - A laughable loser stumbles into a bucket of toxic waste in a cornfield and gains the ability to communicate with corn. He obtains the sidekicks and spandex necessary to become a superhero and vows to protect the corn from the evil villain Dr. Hoe. This one-armed-hoe-bad-guy enlists the aid of a giant mutant-hybrid-freak and several crappy foot soldiers in an attempt to dominate ALL THE CORN IN THE WORLD!

This probably seemed like a good idea at the time, which is why it should be shown in every school as part of the "this is why you shouldn't smoke dope" curriculum.

Drums in the Deep South - The Civil War is the battle ground for emotions and loyalties when best friends Clay Clayburn (James Craig I) and Will Denning (Guy Madison) graduate from West Point only to find themselves fighting on opposite sides of the Civil War. When two men meet each other in combat, neither knows it, as each is in an artillery position hundreds of yards from the other!

Now that's suspense. Two friends in the same general area without realizing it. Oh, be still, my heart!

Crash of the Moons - This feature-length film is culled from three episodes of the classic science fiction TV series Rocky Jones, Space Ranger. Two planets are headed for collision, and Rocky Jones and his team race to prevent the catastrophe.

"Rocky Jones"? Never heard of him before. Honest!

Warning from Space - A race of aliens shaped like giant muppet starfish have come to warn us that a rogue planet is on a collision course with earth. As the planet approaches, its gravity wreaks all sorts of havoc with weather and tides. Earth scientists join forces with the five-pointed alien visitors in hopes of saving the world.

Muppet Starfish?!?!?! Oh baby, I am so there!!! I was pleased to find that I already own this one in one of my collections, but haven't had a chance to see it yet.

Posted by Ted at 05:45 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

And you thought gas prices were a ripoff

My friend Rich (owner of Verticle Force Rocketry), starts a nice little rant about that most expensive of fluids that we all use every day. No, not gas. Not coffee and not even blood. Something seemingly much more valuable... name brand ink cartridge I looked at contained 19ml of ink for $35.

1ml = ~0.033814 U.S. ounces. So for $35 you're getting ~0.642 ounces of ink. That's $1.84 per milliliter or about $54.48 per ounce. Or consider the high price of gas today versus $6,973.12 9/10 per gallon for printer ink.

Rich also gives the word on "Box-wrap patent infringement", which is a new one to me. I'm pretty much a free market capitalist, but this kind of crap really gives ammunition to the "corporations are evil" nuts.

Posted by Ted at 05:14 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 12, 2005

Rocketing Around the Blogosphere

A few odds and ends that I wanted to mention.

I fully expect to be undefeated after the first week of our Blogger Bowl Fantasy Football League, unless Philly kicker Akers manages fourteen field goals tonight. My team doesn't look very strong, but it was enough to whup the Houston Hot Pants all over the field.

In related news, I didn't activate the Rocket Jones Hot Jets Cheerleaders this season, but I did buy some rocket motors on Sunday for the Hot Jets rocket.

I'm very late with this announcement, but the latest edition of the Carnival of the Recipes is up, hosted by Munuviana's own Jordana. Check it out, you won't be sorry.

Three changes to the blogroll: Dawn has moved back to Caterwauling, adjust your links accordingly (you probably already have, I'm just sluggy-slow and am finally getting around to it). Secondly, Blue now has a blog and you can find him at Partial to Grey. He even spells "grey" right. Thirdly, I've added Samantha Burns to the sidebar. She's Canadian and she's interesting. Drop in and tell her that Rocket Jones sent you.

Heh. Akers just missed a field goal.

Posted by Ted at 09:18 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Links

They should probably move on to "Plan B"

According to Vincent Creel, spokesman for Biloxi, Mississippi Mayor A.J. Holloway:

"A whole new market, people who had been looking at Florida to retire, were going to come here to escape the hurricanes."

Katrina is a short-term setback. They'll be fine in the long run.

Posted by Ted at 11:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

So I see this guy...

...and he's tall and skinny as a rail, and he has this enormous Yosemite Sam moustache. It looked like someone had duct taped a pekinese to one end of a popsicle stick.

Posted by Ted at 05:45 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs


TV analyst Randy Cross said this about Denver quarterback Jake Plummer:

"Plummer is the Billy Graham of the NFL. He can make 70,000 people say 'Jesus' in unison."


Posted by Ted at 04:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 11, 2005

Timing is everything when it comes to gas prices

I filled up yesterday after work and paid $2.99 a gallon.

This morning as I passed the gas stations on the way to the rocket launch, the prices were all $2.89 a gallon. Dang.

Posted by Ted at 06:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Rocket Launch Today

I'm going about my normal life, but what happened on this day will never be far from my mind.

I also didn't do a specific countdown like I have the last two years. Click this link to see my previous Countdown to 9/11 images.

Have a great day.

Posted by Ted at 07:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Rocketry

September 10, 2005

I don't normally hold a grudge, but...

I just thought of the perfect line to use next time Sears calls me:

The only reason I'd ever set foot in a Sears again is if my house is underwater and I need someplace to loot.

I'd probably preface that with a "Ma'am", 'cause I'm a gentleman like that.

Posted by Ted at 05:14 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Mookie News

Rachael got her work/study assignment. She's working for the Drama Department, mostly at the campus theater.

That's like asking a mermaid to be a lifeguard.

Posted by Ted at 08:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Movie Review

Malibu Beach Vampires

Actually, this is more like a warning to keep away from this incoherent mess of a film. I'll describe the movie a little bit, but please, don't think I'm trying to make it sound entertaining. Any implied enjoyment value is strictly accidental.

Wanna see the funniest bit in the film?


Ignore the words, those are just stupid. Check out the teeth. Get it? Southern California? The desire for perfect teeth, even for vampires. I thought it was funny, but believe it or not, that shot in the opening credits was the highlight of the movie.

Bad, bad, bad. You'll see much better acting at your local high school production. You'll only understand the storyline if you read the description on the box first. The cameraman has parkinsons. Twice, they inexplicably break into tap dancing numbers or folk guitar sing-alongs (or both, intercut in one sanity-rending sequence).

I forced myself to finish watching, hoping for another "smile" moment that never came. This flick sucked so bad that I didn't even realize until later that there wasn't a single bare boob displayed, despite the advertising.

I can't even bring myself to blame the distributer for lying about the nudity. I'd probably lie too if I was stuck trying to sell this...

Words fail me.

Posted by Ted at 07:35 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

September 09, 2005

Naval Gazing

I've written before about the US Navy's new destroyer, known as DD(X). It's slated to replace the Arleigh Burke class of destroyers, which had replaced the WWII era Spruance class. As you can see, the US doesn't churn out lots of new ship designs.

But the DD(X) is more than a mere upgrade, it's a massive leap forward in technology and capability. Incorporating stealth technology, it's designed for littoral as well as deep water combat.

DD(X) is designed to be the quietest surface ship in the fleet. The ship will be quieter even than the Los Angeles class submarines.

It's sneaky.

DD(X) will employ a first of its kind Peripheral Vertical Launch System (PVLS). Missiles are typically stored in clusters at the center of a ship. PVLS, by moving those clusters to the hull, will provide the ship with something reminiscent of the reactive armor fitted to the M1A2 Abrams main battle tank. The PVLS concept has already been successfully tested, and will make this ship significantly less vulnerable to sea-skimming missiles.

It's harder to hurt.

Each 155mm gun will fire a Long Range Land Attack Projectile (LRLAP). The LRLAP has already been successfully tested to 83 nautical miles. Though it only carries 24 lbs of high explosives, the Advanced Gun System (AGS) is fully automated and holds a magazine of 300 rounds. With a rate of fire of 10 rounds a minute, the AGS should be able to provide the volume fire capability the Navy so desperately needs, and with GPS-guidance the LRLAP will be extremely accurate.

It can hit targets at long range. But how accurate can it really be at those ranges?

Tests have shown the guns accurate to within two meters at a range of 68 nautical miles.

Make sure you let the gunner know which corner of that executive desk you want to hit.

But wait, the DD(X) only has two guns, and each gun only firing once every 6 seconds, that's not much of a heavy punch.

...each gun will be capable of putting up to eight rounds on a target simultaneously. To achieve this effect, shells will be fired in rapid succession at different trajectories.

Lob one, aim lower, lob one, aim lower, lob one, aim lower, and so on. And they all hit the target at the same time. Sixteen booms. Isn't that four batteries of artillery?

The gun magazines can also be reloaded at sea and while the gun is firing. Oh, and those shells cost 1/20th of what a cruise missile costs.

The crew is half the size of the current DDG class, which will also offer up significant savings over the life of each vessel. The first two are scheduled to be active by 2012. These look to be sweet additions to the fleet, plus, future improvements are already being accounted for.

The Navy hopes to fit these ships with an electromagnetic rail gun by 2020. The rail gun would be capable of firing a guided projectile up to 267 nautical miles, which would put all of North Korea into range from either coast of that peninsula (or, to take another theoretical example, allow the Navy to bombard Paris from the English Channel).

DD(X), coming soon to a shore near you.

Thanks to Robert the Llama Butcher for the pointer. He's got more links at his place too.

Posted by Ted at 12:11 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Category: Military

I think he forgot to count the seven in the secret cabal

Over at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy, GeekLethal crunches some numbers and sums it all up like this:

The subjegation of the entire Muslim world by Israel would, in a demographic sense, be like Massachusetts enslaving all of China.

There's not enough tinfoil in the world.

Posted by Ted at 11:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Links


Thanks to everyone who left birthday wishes in the comments and email yesterday. Y'all are the best!

On Wednesday, I got a very unexpected birthday present from some co-workers who broke all records in accomplishing a regularly scheduled task. Once they finish, then I have several hours worth of work that I have to do with their results. Usually I have to do that on Thursday, but because they were so quick this time I was able to get it all done Wednesday afternoon and take my birthday off. They'll get a big thanks from me, and they didn't even know.

Rachael got me The Mummy: The Legacy Collection. Tres cool. Thanks sweetie!!!! You may remember that last year for my birthday she got me the rereleased Bakshi animation Wizards, and for Father's Day she bought me a hybrid rocket motor system, so I recommend that y'all get on her gift-giving list, because she's good at it.

I've been on a movie kick lately, so Liz took me out for a Mexican dinner (my favorite) and then turned me loose in Suncoast Video. I picked up Clash of the Titans, Blonde in Bondage (1950's Swedish exploitation flick), and a collection of four low-budget horror movies that had two things to recommend them; I haven't seen any of them, and they all contain nudity (look for upcoming reviews). Altogether I've probably bought two dozen B-movies in the last couple of weeks, so I'll have plenty to watch on those cold winter nights.

Thanks again folks, you made the day special.

Posted by Ted at 05:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Historical Tidbit

Apparently Americans have a habit of vandalizing statues of those we consider tyrants. All the way back to July 9, 1776.

Later that night, American troops destroyed a bronze-lead statue of Great Britain's King George III that stood at the foot of Broadway on the Bowling Green [New York - RJ]. The statue was later molded into bullets for the American Army.

That's from an exhibit of the Declaration of Independence at the Library of Congress.

Posted by Ted at 05:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: History

September 08, 2005

Defying Classification

Rachael has joined several clubs at her college. Among them are the Pagan Club and the Young Republicans. That oughtta cause a few raised eyebrows.

Posted by Ted at 01:47 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Gay Marraige, Coast to Coast

Governator to veto Gay Marraige Bill in California. His reasoning is that five years ago Proposition 22 was on the ballot, prohibiting the recognition of same-sex marraige in California, and was passed by a wide margin.

In other words, the majority of Californian's don't want it, and he, unlike the Legislature, remembers that he works for the people.

In related news, the Massachusetts state legislature ingnored repeated requests to put the matter of gay marriage up for a vote, and eventually the State Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage couldn't be denied. This made gay marriage supporters very happy. This made anti-gay marriage folks very unhappy.

So now the anti- foks are mobilizing and the state legislature is looking into putting it up for a vote. Guess what? The anti- folks far outnumber the pro-, so if it goes to the polls, it's likely that the law will change, making the court decision moot.

Democracy can be a bitch. But there are ways to make your dream happen.

This isn't one of them. Publishing a list of everyone who signs the petition against gay marriage? Cheap, stupid, and it will, in the end, have exactly the opposite effect that they hope for.

I've said this for a long time (Dawn probably remembers some debates I had in her comments way back), the only way for gays to win approval for marriage is by convincing voters that it's a good and decent thing to do. Using the courts to win the right accomplishes nothing permanent, and doing an end-around the voters by legislation isn't the answer either.

Convince enough average voters that Gay Marriage isn't doomsday and you'll get it. But all of the tantrums and name-calling and attempted intimidation isn't going to change a single mind, and you'll just be impressing some people who are already on your side. You'll also be turning off some people who are on your side.

People like me.

Posted by Ted at 12:04 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Crass Observation

The Democrats have been trying to overcome the perception that they are soft on national security and would be able to handle a major crisis. By her actions, Louisiana Governor Blanco has managed, in a little more than a week, to firmly cement that perception into reality in the minds of many.

Posted by Ted at 10:06 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 07, 2005

Belated and Otherwise

September Blogger Birthdays

LeeAnn - yesterday (I'm sorry, I didn't look this stuff up until this morning)

Boudicca - 8th (all the *really* cool kids have birthdays on the 8th)

Me - 8th (thanks to Cindy for thinking of me!)

Blue - 9th (podcaster extraordinaire, he's got a blog now but I lost the link)

Jennifer - 14th (she's a student, buy her Ramen)

Pixy Misa - 19th 20th (must be that upside down calendar they use in Australia)

Victor - 27th 28th (that's what I get for trying to do two year old calendar math in my head)

Happy Happy, Everyone!

Posted by Ted at 06:06 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 06, 2005

Finally, The Movie Review You've Been Waiting For

That's right, boys and girls, it's time for the Rocket Jones review of:

Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots

Pre... whatchamacallit: When I jumped at the chance agreed to accept a reviewer's copy of this movie, I promised myself that I would give a fair and honest review. I do believe that I've kept that promise, and I hope that after reading it, you'll think so too.

I was thinking about what a pain it would be to have to keep typing "Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots" throughout this review, but the acronym "DrHEHoI", is just as bad.

Everyone has had that moment while watching a movie or television show when you recognize an actor or actress but can't quite place where else you've seen them. It can drive you crazy, until at last your memory clicks, and then it's an almost physical feeling of relief. Likewise, it's often a pleasant surprise to see someone you recognize in an unexpected role. This movie is full of those wonderful and surprising moments.

Now I have to tell you that this isn't a horror movie... exactly. I mean, there are undead and werewolves that play prominent roles, but the focus isn't on horror, it's on satire and parody and spoof (spoofage? That might be a dirty word). In overall feel, I'd liken Dr. Horror (don't make me type the whole freakin' thing out people), to that paean to the surreal, Happiness of the Katakuris. Plotwise, the story is fresh, intricate and plausible in its own charming way.

Without giving away too much of the story, there are three people who come to visit a famous sex therapist. Unfortunately, the doc is away, and the caretaker scams them by passing off his buddy as the "substitute" doctor, Dr. Horror. And that's about as bare-bones a description as is possible about a movie that runs 2+ hours.

Yep, you read that right, but not to worry, because it keeps moving right along. There are several long vignettes, almost mini-movies, that are used to advance the story, and nothing is rushed or hurried. Like old-time roadshow movies, it even has an Overture, Intermission and whatever you call that music when the movie is done (Enditure?). In addition, there's one helluva entertaining documentary included on the disk called "That's Independent". All told, there's over 3 hours of viewable material.

Here are a couple of exerpts from the letter that Producer Paul Scrabo sent along with the movie:

"Dr Horror had one intention in its conception: whatever the "B-Movie rules" were, we would just do the opposite.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's G-rated, but there's no nudity, no gore and no potty jokes. In fact, the humor and innuendo is often subtle and mature. I said "often", not always. This flick made me laugh out loud several times, and more than once I had to pause it so I could stop chuckling and then rewind to see what I'd missed.

In the low-budget world, horror is in good shape, so it did not make sense to make one. Rather, we decided to poke some fun at the world of "direct to video" fare. The "erotic" in the title is a joke on the many films that have "erotic" in the title in order to make them more "marketable".

Sex sells, even crappy B-movie sex. Dr. Horror, though, works the "erotic" into the story line, which is more than the typical indie flick. Pick up "Satanic Rites of the Erotic Cannibal Blood Sacrifice" (don't bother, I just made that up), and you can pretty much bet that "erotic" stands for gratuitous nudity. I'm all for boobs on screen, but face it, if you're spending the night at Camp Meathook, you should probably reconsider that urge to get naked. Especially since nude teenagers are the horror movie equivalent of Star Trek's guy in the red shirt.

"But mon ami," you may ask, "what about ze eye candy?!?!?"

Let me tell you, mi amigo (screw consistancy), this movie has plenty of nice looking ladies in outfits that make it fun to look. Which is as good a segue as any to start talking about the stars. The cast of "Dr Horror" is filled with familiar names, familiar faces and true legends from the world of B-movie cinema. One of the reasons this took so long to write was because every time I'd start researching the actors, I'd wind up off on a tangent following someone's career.

Debbie Rochon

First up is Debbie Rochon. Now I'm partial to brunettes in the first place, but when my wife saw Ms. Rochon on the screen, her first words to me were "oh wow, you're in love, aren't you?" She knows me so well. Debbie Rochon is drop-dead gorgeous and the lady can act too, starting out on stage on and off Broadway before going into the scream queen biz, where she's won numerous awards. She displays a great sense of comedic timing, and her "dolphin book" scene will make you forget the diner in When Harry Met Sally.

Is she really a star? Well, she's been elected into the B-Movie Hall of Fame. I'd certainly roll out the red carpet for her.

Trent Haaga plays a complete jerk, yet still manages to make you care about his character. That's quite a tightrope to walk, but he balances everything with, again, a fine sense of comedy. This is the first time I've seen his work, and he shines.

The character of Ashley is played by Nathan Sears. This was his first role, and he is so convincing as the milqutoast nebbish that you just want to reach out and force him to strip to prove he actually has testicles shake some sense into him. That is, until he is compelled to become a hero, and then he becomes... well, maybe not John Wayne, but tougher than Wayne Newton for sure.

Dr. Horror is played by Michael R. Thomas. You might not recognize the name, but you've certainly seen his work, because he's been a Hollywood makeup artist for a long time. Among his credits are The Wiz, Neighbors, Ghostbusters (both of them), Wolfen, Fatal Attraction, and television. He also did a bit of work on... *drumroll please* softcore lesbian spoofs shot direct to video. Yay!

Bela Lugosi's Ygor from 'Son of Frankenstein'

Mr. Thomas has done some acting too. I first saw him in front of the camera in Lord of the G-Strings (see above), but he played Smirnoff the wizard and hid behind a full beard. I recognized him from his part as the club owner in Bite Me! He's a funny guy, and if I had to describe him, it might be as a cross between Bela Lugosi and Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld). His background in makeup is a bonus too. I wrote recently about enjoying the Frankenstein Legacy Collection. Well, imagine my delight when Michael Thomas appeared in one Dr. Horror vignette as Ygor! Originally played by Bela Lugosi in Son of Frankenstein, Mr. Thomas brilliantly recreated the character, right down to the accent and the scarred and broken neck. That scene right there is worth the price of the movie to me.

"His business card reads, "Conrad Brooks, Movie Star." The New York Times named him, "The Gielgud of Bad Movies," a title he embraces fondly."
-- I-Con 23 website

The last main character is the caretaker, played by Conrad Brooks. He's a likeable guy, but gives the weakest performance of the cast. On the other hand, he got his start in Ed Wood movies, and over the years has appeared in, directed, produced, and written some real stinkers - many of which I own and love. He made appearances in two of the worst films ever made: Plan 9 From Outer Space *and* The Beast From Yucca Flats. Folks, that's a pedigree right there, and I have no standing to criticize.

Even the supporting characters have solid B-movie credentials. An unexpected bit of wonderfulness was the appearance of John Zacherle, who had a top-10 song in 1958 titled "Dinner with Drac".

I will make mention that Dr. Horror was co-written by "my girl" (as Victor calls her), Brinke Stevens, who also makes a cameo.

"It also helps to have a lighting director for a wife (George Ann Muller), and she made all the sets herself!"
-- Paul Scrabo
(take note, Mookie)

All right, so all I've done so far is gush about how wonderful this movie is. Surely, there must be something less than perfect about Dr. Horror. Of course there is, because it's an independent movie. If you're looking for Hollywood, this isn't it. What this is, though, are cast and crew making movies because they love what they do and have fun doing it. I also want to make clear that independent doesn't mean amateur. Don't expect Gone with the Wind, and you'll have a grand time watching this.

Highly recommended. You can get your own copy at

For the record, I am not afraid of lesbians.

Posted by Ted at 08:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Cult Flicks

Ok, what's next?

I went to the Potomac Nationals website this morning to check their schedule, thinking we'd get one last blogger get-together in before the season ends. Alas, the season ended with three games at home over the holiday weekend.

So now I'm open to suggestions. I welcome any ideas on when and if y'all would like to meet up again. I sent out invites for a poker night and got very little response. How about a picnic in October? Hockey game?

One interesting possibility is the fall BattlePark rocket launch in Culpeper, Virginia. It's scheduled for the first weekend of November (5th and 6th), and if anyone is interested Doug Pratt introduced me to an amazing rib joint in that area for food afterwards.

Posted by Ted at 11:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

What a beautiful weekend

Got lots done, including some work on the movie review, but you'll have to be patient for another day or so.

Posted by Ted at 06:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Submarine, Cargo Vessel collide

The submarine USS Philadelphia (the boat my son served on) was cruising on the surface at about 2am (local) when they hit a Turkish cargo ship in the gulf off the coast of Bahrain. Damage to both was described as superficial and there were no injuries.

But there's a Captain who's gonna lose his ass.

Posted by Ted at 05:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Military

September 05, 2005

Geek is chic?

Why bother with a personals ad, when you could just be mentioned in the NY Daily News? That's what happened to blogger CGHill of Dustbury. From the article:

...more women are discovering the allure of brainy men who admit they're more experienced at computer games than the game of love.

I'd like to let the ladies know that in school, I was the kid that the geeks beat up for lunch money so they could go to Radio Shack. I expect that I shall now be inundated in the lovelies, oh yeah.

Posted by Ted at 03:43 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Oh Buffy. Oh Brad.

Put away the white. The fashion lizard has spoken.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Posted by Ted at 09:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs


Now that the blamegasm over Katrina seems to be over, it's time to move on, blog-wise. To be sure, there will still be finger pointing and stupid quotes (or more correctly, quotes from stupid people), but the relief effort is in high gear now. I'd like to mention a last few items and then I'm probably done with it.

Susie's family is safe! Yay!!!

Bitterman lived on the gulf coast for a while, and found an arial photo of what's left of his old neighborhood. Here's something I hadn't heard before:

Initially when the storm surge came in, he had thought all was well, but the wind packed it up so tightly, it began entering the storm sewer pipe outlets at beach level and flowing uphill to his neighborhood some 35 or so feet above the beach.

Yikes! Fortunately, everyone is safe.

Victor has a list of undeliverable postal zip codes. Check with your local post office, because the list will be shrinking as the relief continues.

Finally, everyone should be shocked at how quickly law and order broke down in New Orleans (I haven't heard about problems anywhere else... but the media has been hyper-focused on NO, so who knows), and I'm reminded that the primary and ultimate responsibility for you and your family's safety is you. Please go back and read the "For Ourselves, By Ourselves" series over at Random Nuclear Strikes. It's not a one-size-fits-all, but he discusses points that you might never think of. He also links to an excellent article titled "Disaster Guns". Personally, I've brought up the subject of household arms again, and specifically told the girls that they will be learning to use a handgun as a minimum. Even Mookie, who was the most opposed when I last brought it up, realizes now that there's some wisdom in that.

Posted by Ted at 08:58 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 04, 2005

Oh yeah, that'll make me take it seriously

I was reading an astrological profile for people born under the sign of Virgo and it was interesting enough, right up until the very last sentence.

Famous Virgos
Stephen King, Charlie Sheen, Mother Teresa, Sophia Loren, and Mickey Mouse

Mickey Mouse?

Posted by Ted at 07:39 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

September 03, 2005

Do Re Me Fa So Cool

So simple, even Banjo Boy could figure it out.

Printable blank sheet music. All kinds of options, all for free.

Kudos to Heather at Angelweave for pointing this one out.

Posted by Ted at 09:04 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Category: Links

United We Stand (except for you, you don't think like me)

From Hold the Mayo (who turned two this week, yay!), who first saw the link to this at Zoe Brain's place:

So why was I thinking of starting a movement against giving aid to the stricken areas?

Because these are red states. They voted for Bush. These ninnies obviously wanted these policies, and they deserve to live with the consequences of their votes.

A large part of me still believes that many of these W-worshipping numbskulls deserve to suffer and to die. They brought it on themselves. Let them look to Jayzuss for aid: It's time they stopped leeching off the more productive blue staters.

(Californians stupidly give much more to the federal government than we receive from it; the money flows in a very different direction in the red states.)

So, at least, I started to write. But then (to paraphrase the old song) I thought I'd better think it out again.

Many of the victims, the ones who have suffered the most, are poor. The hardest hit were the blue state folk living among the red state maniacs. New Orleans, we should note, went heavily for Kerry.

And that's why we must help. Although it was very tempting to say otherwise.

I want to make this clear. Zoe Brain found this and linked to it, she didn't write it herself. If you want the link to where it was spotted, click on through up above.

Posted by Ted at 08:33 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 02, 2005

Bit of a rut

Liz hit a sale on DVD's and picked up a few that we had on VHS. This evening while walking through another store I found a great deal on Ghostbusters I & II in a set. When we got home, Liz realized that she'd picked up Gung Ho, Guarding Tess and Grease.

Today was brought to you by the letter "G".

Good Grief.

Posted by Ted at 08:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

It's the only explanation, really

A woman has sued King county in Washington state.

In a lawsuit filed 10 days ago in Pierce County Superior Court, Robinette Amaker of North Carolina claimed that the brain of her deceased brother, Bradley Gierlich, was taken from his body in 1998 at the King County Medical Examiner's office.

The only reason I can see this becoming an issue now after seven years is that maybe he's up for reelection.

Posted by Ted at 04:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Yet momma wanted me to be a Priest

Over at Owlish Mutterings, he linked to this "Job Predictor".

According to this, Rocket Jones' ideal job is trained assassin. Cool.

And when I type in my real name (Ted Phipps), it says I should become a pirate.

You should start being nicer to me.

Let's see... full name (Robert T Phipps)... Yeehaw! My ideal job is a lottery winner - no need to work !

I like this game.

Posted by Ted at 01:47 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack
Category: Links

WiFi Digital Camera

Nikon has introduced two digital cameras with built-in WiFi capabilities, allowing you to immediately transfer your pictures to a PC or to a printer.

Posted by Ted at 07:49 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Category: SciTech

Hot Wax

Our local classical music station has a nice little piece every morning that runs down the minutia of the day such as sunrise, sunset, moon phase, as well as a little bit about the day in history.

This morning the host mentioned a wax cylinder recording made in 1895 of the "Poets and Peasants Overture", done by Baldwin's Cadet Band of Boston. Follow this link to see today's show notes, and if you scroll down you can click the victrola to hear an audio of the original recording.

Posted by Ted at 06:11 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

September 01, 2005

PDA Software Review

Check out my latest review over at Mozongo. This time I reviewed one of my all-time favorites, called Slay. It's even better now because you can get it bundled with Pocket PC versions of Risk and Stratego.

Posted by Ted at 12:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: PDA Reviews

Before and After

Gulfport, Mississippi (in the extended entry).

Please visit the California Yankee, Michele, Phin, or many other sites online for ways you can help.


GulfportbeforeHURRICANE_KATRINA.jpg GulfportafterHURRICANE_KATRINA.jpg
Posted by Ted at 11:41 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs

Soothing Music

From Carlos Santana:

Love is You

Dah-dah-dit-dah-dah. Dit-dah-dit-dah.
Dah-dah-dit-dah-dah. Dit-dah-dit-dah.

Huh? Oh, yeah, it's an instrumental, and it's not any funnier than the first time I tried it.

But it does point up the fact that Rocket Jones needs an audio component. A chance to expand my genius into new mediums.

Or to dilute the stupidity.

Oh goodie. I'm channeling my wife.

update: Hmmm... the link above takes you to the comment left on the post I was linking to, instead of the post itself. I'd tell you to just do a search, but this morning I'm getting the ol' "Forbidden" message on the search function. Tell you what, if you absolutely must see the original post that I tried to link to (you are getting sleepy... sleepy... you must see the original post... you NEED to see the original post...), over on the right column are my archives. Click "April, 2004" and then scroll on down to the 20th. The post is titled "Ripple Fire". Happy now?

Posted by Ted at 06:14 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Waxing Lyrical

Helping out

It's Hurricane Relief Day around the blogosphere, and MuNu's very own Michele is pitching in. Go check out the items she's got up for auction and make a bid. All the proceeds go towards the Katrina victims.

Update: Phin is auctioning off a site redesign! Be sure to check out the portfolio, he's done some of the best looking blogs I know.

Posted by Ted at 06:11 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Links

Opportunity, of a sort

I believe that you'll be able to get a very good deal on a used SUV over the next few months.

It reminds me of one springtime a few years ago. The winter had been terrible (1999?), and everyone ran out and bought 4-wheel drive vehicles. The car lots were full of used sports cars, and the dealers couldn't even give 'em away.

Posted by Ted at 06:02 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Category: Square Pegs
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